A Very Weird Musical
by ginnyrules27
Summary: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Snape, Dumbledore, Cho, Cedric and Malfoy have all been summoned. But for what purpose? To watch a video on Youtube about... them! REVIEW! I own nothing!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

A/N: I do not own the Harry Potter Characters OR A Very Potter Musical

Also, all the characters have been transported to Hermione's house, so there can be electricity.

Harry and Ron were lounging around one fine summer afternoon, attempting to do their potions essay when really they were just doodling and wondering if they could copy off Hermione's when suddenly they found themselves sitting next to her.

"Hermione, what are you doing here?" Harry asked.

"What am I doing here? It's my house." Hermione exclaimed. "I should be asking what are you doing here."

Before Harry could respond, there were six more flashes of light and out came Ginny, Sirius, Lupin, Dumbledore, Snape, Malfoy, Cedric, and Cho.

"Malfoy, what are you doing in my house?" Hermione cried, forgetting that she had asked Harry that same question a few seconds ago. Harry felt his stomach flip at the sight of Cho and really hoped they wouldn't be reading a book about his life. Really, that had been happening a lot lately. It was getting repetitive.

"How should I know, mudblood?" Malfoy sneered. "And why am I the only one who was questioned? Diggory or Chang certainly don't know you well enough to come to your house. Professor Snape and Dumbledore don't go to their students homes."

"Because you're an annoying little git, that's why Malfoy." Ron snapped. Suddenly, a note floated down from the sky and landed on Cedric's head.

_Hello people of Hogwarts!_

_You may be wondering why you've all landed in Ms. Granger's living room instead of enjoying a post Quiditch World Cup summer's afternoon. Well, let me explain. No that will take too long, let me sum up. Here in the muggle world, there is this book series about Harry that some woman named JK Rowling wrote. Well, it became extremely popular and some muggle teenagers decided to write a musical called A Very Potter Musical. You can only see it online, so that's why you're in a muggle house. _

_Tootles_

After reading the note, Harry sighed.

"Guess I'll never get a break, will I?"

Ron laughed.

"Nope."

Sirius and Ginny both laughed along with Ron while Remus pulled up the website that was listed on the note.

"Here, professor. Let me hook it up to the TV." Hermione said and, to all the Purebloods amazement, hooked the computer to the television.

"Now, lets watch." Cedric said, excited to see what muggles thought their life was like. The musical started with some dude sitting on a box, occasionally flipping his hair.

"Guess that's Potter." Malfoy muttered.

"Shh."

**"Underneath these stairs** **I hear the sneers and feel glares of** **my cousin, my uncle and my aunt."**

"Why would you be under the stairs, Harry?" Sirius asked. Remus frowned.

"I don't know?"

**"Can't believe how cruel they are ** **and it stings my lighting scar** **to know that they'll never ever give me what I want."**

"Spoiled little…." Snape muttered.

**"I know I don't deserve these ** **stupid rules made by the Dursleys ** **here on Privet drive."**

"Got that right." Harry and Ron muttered.

"**Can't take all of these muggles,** **but despite all of my struggles,** **I'm still alive."**

"Dramatic much, Harry?" Hermione grinned.

"Like father like son." Sirius chimed in before Harry could answer.

**"I'm sick of summer and this waiting around.** **Man, its September, and I'm skipping this town** **Hey It's no mystery, there's nothing here for me now"**

"Man, the kid playing you sure can sing," Cho said.

Harry felt his stomach flip.

"**I gotta get back to Hogwarts,** **I gotta get back to school.** **Gotta get myself to Hogwarts, ** **where everybody knows I'm cool."**

The trio, Ginny and Sirius laughed.

**"Back to wizards and witches, and magical beasts, ** **to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts.** **It's all that I love, and it's all that I need.** **HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS, I think I'm going back"**

Everyone looked over at Harry, who had been humming along.

"What, it's catchy." he said, when he noticed everyone's looks.

"**I'll see my friends, gonna laugh 'til we cry** **take my Firebolt, gonna take to the sky ** **NO WAY this year anyone's gonna die, and it's gonna be totally awesome"**

"Well, that's morbid." Cedric said.

"Flying…" Harry almost drooled at the thought.

"Ugh, moving on." Hermione said, as it was her who Harry was drooling on.

**"I'll cast some spells, with a flick of my wand ** **defeat the dark arts, yeah bring it on!** **and do it all with my best friend Ron, 'cuz together we're totally awesome"**

"ME!" Ron shouted.

"Again, the actor playing you, Harry, has some very either huge death wishes or plain morbid thoughts." Cedric said again.

**"Yeah, and it's gonna be totally awesome! Did somebody say Ron Weasley?"**

"No, Weasel. No one said your full name."

"Oh, shut up Malfoy."

"**It's been so long, but we're going back ** **don't go for work, don't go there for class"**

Ron ducked down besides Harry to avoid Hermione's glare, Dumbledore just chuckled.

**HARRY:** "**As long as were together-"**

**RON:** **- "gonna kick some ass"**

**HARRY & RON: "** **... and its gonna be totally awesome!** **This year we'll take everybody by storm, ** **stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm"**

"Wow, that's accurate."

"Again, shut up Malfoy."

**HERMIONE:** "**but let's not forget that we need to perform well in class** **if we want to pass our OWLS!"**

Hermione glared at the TV when her character showed up. Why was it that she got the somewhat frumpy character, while the boys got good looking ones?

**HERMIONE:** **"I may be frumpy, but I'm super smart** **check out my grades, they're "A's" for a start** **what I lack in looks well I make up in heart,** **and well guys, yeah, that's totally awesome"**

"I'm not frumpy!"

"Yeah, you are."

"Shut it Malfoy. Don't make me slap you again."

"Meep."

"**This year I plan to study a lot..."**

"And that's different from any other year because…?" Harry asked his friend.

Hermione just glared.

**RON:** **"that would be cool if you were actually hot"**

"RONALD!"

"Merlin, Hermione." Harry muttered, rubbing his ear. "I'm too young to go deaf."

**HARRY: ** **"hey Ron, come on, we're the only friends that she's got!"**

The glare of death moved on to Harry.

**RON:** "**and that's cool..."**

**HERMIONE:** "**... and that's totally awesome"**

**HARRY, RON, HERMIONE:** "**yeah it's so cool, and it's totally awesome!"**

"Umm? Fair warning. If you three start to sing at school, I will hurt you."

"Fair enough Malfoy."

"**We're sick of summer and this waiting around** **it's like we're sitting in the lost and found** **don't take no sorcery ** **for anyone to see how..."**

Now Cho and Cedric were humming along with Harry. 

"**We gotta get back to Hogwarts** ! **We gotta get back to school** **we gotta get back to Hogwarts** ! **Where everything is magic-cooooool"**

"Couldn't find anything else to rhyme with school?" Cho asked.

"It's not really them." Ginny glared.

**EVERYONE:** **"Back to wizards and witches, and magical beasts ** **To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts ** **It's all that I love, and it's all that I need at** **HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS!"**

"Where'd all those people come from?"

**HARRY, RON, HERMIONE:** **- I think we're going back..."**

"Next clip!"

"Calm down Sirius!" Hermione laughed as she clicked the next clip.

A/N: Alright, I'm new to the Potter Musical scene, so just review and tell me what you think.

Pigfarts is next! And Malfoy!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

A/N: see disclaimer in chapter one.

"Come on, Hermione." Sirius whined.

"Alright. Got it."

**GINNY: "You're supposed to take me to Madam Malkins and use those sickles Mum gave you for my robe fitting!"**

"I am nothing like that!" Ginny hissed.

**HARRY: "Uhh...who's this?"**

"Smooth, Potter."

"Shove it Malfoy!"

**RON: "Uh…this is stupid little dumb sister Ginny, she's a freshman. Ginny this is Harry. Harry Potter…this is Harry Potter."**

"Grrr."

"Ginny, that's not me!" Ron said from behind Sirius.

**GINNY: "Oh…You're Harry Potter, you're the boy-who-lived!"**

"Yes, yes I am."

**HARRY: "Yeah, you're Ginny."**

**GINNY: "It's Ginevra."**

"No, it's Ginny!"

**HARRY: "Cool, Ginny's fine."**

"Nice one Harry."

"Sirius, stop talking."

**RON: "Stupid sister! Don't crowd the famous friend."**

**HERMIONE: "Do you guys hear music or something?"**

**RON: "Yeah, someone's coming!"**

**CHO's POSSE:** **"Cho Chang** **Domo arigato, Cho Chang** **Gung Hey Fat Choy, Chang** **Happy Happy New Year, Cho Chang"**

The Trio, Malfoy, Ginny, Sirius and Cedric were all laughing. Cho was glaring at all of them.

**GINNY: "Whoa, who's that?"**

**RON: "That's Cho Chang, the girl that Harry's been totally in love with since freshman year."**

"Really, Harry?" Cho asked.

Harry was determined to look anywhere but at her. Especially with Cedric gaping at him like an idiot.

**HERMIONE: "Yeah, but he won't say anything to her."**

"*Lockheart*" Harry coughed into his fist, and Hermione just hit him.

**RON: "Yeah, you never tell a girl you like her it makes you look like an idiot!"**

"So true." all the guys there agreed.

**GINNY: "Konichiwa Cho Chang, I'm Ginny Weasley!"**

"I'm not like that!"

**GIRL: "Bitch, I ain't Cho Chang!"**

"Then who is she?" Cho asked.

**RON: "That's Lavender Brown! Racist sister!"**

Harry and Ron burst out laughing. Cho and Ginny frowned , but even Snape was having a hard time keeping the smirk off his face.

**CHO: "Hey, it's alright, I'm Cho Chang y'all."**

"That's supposed to be me?" Cho asked. "Wouldn't the Asian be better, seeing as Cho and Chang are both Asian names?"

"It's supposed to be a joke." Malfoy said, annoyed at the reactions this video had been getting.

**HARRY: "She is totally perfect."**

"Oh, Harry. That's so sweet." Cho cooed. Cedric glared at Harry.

**RON: "Yeah, too bad she's dating Cedric Diggory though, huh?"**

"Yes!"

"No!"

**HARRY: "What? Who the hell is Cedric Diggory? What is that- who is that guy?"**

"Here comes me!"

**CEDRIC:** **"Oh, Cho Chang** **I am so in love with Cho Chang ** **From Bangkok to Ding Dang ** **I sing my love aloud for Cho Chang"**

Harry, Ron and Malfoy began rolling on the floor laughing. All the girls in the room sighed. Cedric gawked at the screen.

"Hey, I'd never just push someone down." Cedric snapped.

**HARRY: "I hate that guy! I hate him."**

"Don't blame you." Harry muttered.

**RON: "So, are we gonna get those robes or not?"**

"Woah, Ron's actually going shopping?"

"Quiet Ginny."

**GINNY: "Okay, alright I'm going!"**

**RON: "God, sister!"**

"Some things never change."

"Shut it Malfoy." The trio and Ginny just muttered.

**GOYLE: "Present your arm nerd! Indian burn hex!"**

"Why would Goyle know that?" Malfoy wondered.

"He can talk?" Harry and Ron asked.

**RON: "Oh, Crabbe and Goyle…"**

**HARRY: "Hey, why don't you leave Neville Longbottom alone, huh?"**

"Saint Potter."

"Stuff it Malfoy."

**GOYLE: "Well, well, if isn't Harry Potter. You think all because you're famous you can boss everyone around!"**

**HARRY: "No, I just don't think it's cool for guys of your size to pick on guys like Neville!"**

**GOYLE: "Yeah, well I think glasses are for nerds! We hate nerds!"**

"Then you hate everyone in Ravenclaw."

"Cho stop glaring at Sirius."

**CRABBE: "And girls!"**

"That explains so much." Both Ron and Malfoy muttered.

**HARRY: "Oh, my glasses…"**

**RON: "Whoa, well you asked for it! Harry Potter defeated the Dark Lord when he was just a baby!"**

"Nice Ron."

**HERMIONE: "Alright, will everybody just calm down. Occulus Reparo!"**

"Thanks Hermione."

"When will you learn that spell?"

**HARRY: "Whoa, cool!"**

**HERMIONE: "And let's leave these big baby childish jerks alone!"**

**HARRY: "Yeah."**

**DRACO: "Did someone say Draco Malfoy?"**

Every student but Malfoy burst out laughing when his character came on. Basically Draco was a girl.

**RON: "What do you want Draco?"**

**DRACO: "Crabbe, Goyle, be a pip and go pay for my robes, will you? So, Potter! Back for another year at Hogwarts, are you? Maybe this year you'll wise up and hang out with a higher caliber of wizard!"**

**HARRY: "Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world, I wouldn't trade them for anything."**

**DRACO: "Have it your way. Wait, don't tell me…red hair, hand-me-down robes, and a stupid complexion; you must be a Weasley!"**

"OI!"

**RON: "Oh my God, lay off Malfoy! She may be a pain in the ass okay, but she's my pain in the ass."**

"Oh, Ron. You do care."

"Course. You're my sister Ginny and a real pain in the ass."

**DRACO: "Well, isn't this cute? It's like a little loser family! Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs…Luckily next year, I'll be transferred to Pigfarts!"**

Harry, Ron and Cedric burst out laughing like boys usually do when met with jokes about farts. Ginny giggled, and Sirius was rolling on the floor laughing his tail off.

**MALFOY:** **"This year you bet I'm gonna get outta here** **the reign of Malfoy is drawing near** **I'll have the greatest wizard career,** **and its gonna be totally awesome"**

Harry, who had just begun to calm down, burst back out in hysterical laughter.

**"Look out world, for the dawn of the day** **When everyone will do whatever I say** **And that Potter won't be in my way, and then** **I 'll be the one who is totally awesome!"**

"Am I not already totally awesome?"

"No."

**GOYLE:** **"Yeah you'll be the one who is totally awesome."**

**HERMIONE: "Come on guys! Were gonna miss the train!"**

"Yeah, we wouldn't want that." Hermione smirked. Ron and Harry began to laugh. Everyone else—minus the professors—looked confused.

**ALL:** **"Who knows how fast this years gonna go?** **Hand me a glass, let the butterbeer flow"**

**HARRY:** **"Maybe at last, I'm gonna talk to Cho,"**

Cho blushed. She hadn't known that Harry had a crush on her.

"Mate, is Cedric glaring at you?" Ron muttered into Harry's ear.

"Yeah."

"Creepy."

**RON:** **"Oh no, that be WAY too awesome"**

"Nice one." Ron said.

"I agree." Sirius barked out a laugh.

**ALL:** **"We're back to learn everything that we can ** **It's great to come back to where we began ** **And here we are, and alakazam! here we go, this is totally awesome!"**

"I agree with those kids." Sirius grinned.

"**Come on and teach us everything you know** **The summers over and were itchin' to go ** **I think were ready for-"**

"Is that Neville?" Ginny asked.

**NEVILLE:** **"Albus Dumbledore! Oooooo** **Ahhhhhh."**

The Trio, the Marauders and Ginny burst out laughing at the sight of Dumbledore's character.

**DUMBLEDORE:** **"Welcome, all of you to Hogwarts ** **I Welcome back you all to school ** **Did you know that here at Hogwarts** **We've got a hidden swimming pool?"**

"Really?"

"No, Sirius."

**"Welcome, welcome, welcome Hogwarts ** **Welcome, all you hotties, nerds, and tools ** **Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts** **I'd like to go over just a couple of rules:**

**My name is Albus Dumbledore, and I am headmaster here at Hogwarts. You can call me Dumbledore! Of course you also call me Albus, if you wanted detention. I'm just kidding, I'll expel you if you call me Albus!" **

"Nice one sir."

"Thank you Mr. Potter."

**ALL:** **"Back to wizards and witches, and magical beasts ** **to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts** **it's all that I love, and all that I need. ** **at HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS,**

"You know, I don't think that they love school." Remus mused.

"I think you're right." Sirius told his friend.

**Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends** **To Gryffindors! ** **Hufflepuffs!** **Ravenclaws!** **Slytherins!** **Back to the place where our story begins** **It's Hogwarts, Hogwarts,"**

"Who'd want the Slytherins back?" Harry muttered to Ron.

"Dumbledore?"

**DUMBLEDORE:** **"I'm sorry, what's its name?"**

**ALL:** **"Hogwarts, Hogwarts**"

**DUMBLEDORE:** **"I didn't hear you kids!"**

**ALL: ** **"Hogwarts, Hogwarts**"

**HARRY:** **"Man, I'm glad I'm back."**

"Well, that's the end of the second clip." Ginny said. "More!"

Cho looked over at Harry who was trying to avoid looking at her or at Cedric. Cedric was glaring at Harry.

"Yeah, more!"

"All right, keep your hair on." Hermione muttered.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

A/N: SEE FIRST CHAPTER

"Come on , internet!" Ron yelled.

"Hurry up!" Sirius yelled.

"It's on! Shut up!" Snape yelled at them.

**DUMBLEDORE: "Yes, yes, welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts! And a very special welcome to my favorite student Mr. Harry Potter!"**

The children, with the exception of Malfoy, all cheered.

**RON: "Woo!"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "He killed Voldemort when he was just a baby, he's even got that little lightening scar on his forehead to prove it. And another very special welcome to our newest addition to Gryffindor, Mr. Ginny- excuse me, Ms. Ginny Weasley."**

Malfoy began to chuckle under his breath, which ended when Hermione pulled out her wand.

**GINNY: "Yeah, I'm a girl and also, aren't we supposed to be sorted by the uh… sorting hat?"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Well a funny thing happened to the sorting hat, he actually got hitched with another piece of enchanted magical clothing. So he and the scarf of sexual preference aren't going to be back until next year. Basically I've just been putting anybody who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, anybody who looks like a bad guy into Slytherin, and the other two can just go wherever the hell they want, I don't really care."**

Ron sniggered and Hermione threw him a reproachful glance.

"Now that's how we should have been sorted." Sirius barked out a laugh.

**CEDRIC: "Hufflepuffs are particularly good **_**finders**_**."**

"That made no sense." Cedric griped.

**DUMBLEDORE: "What the **_**hell**_** is a Hufflepuff?"**

Harry and Ron burst out laughing. It was such an unDumbledore thing to say.

"**Anyway, it's time now for me to introduce my very good friend and our own potions professor, Mr. Severus Snape."**

**RON: "Oh man, I was hoping they fired that guy!"**

"Ron!" cried Hermione, slapping his shoulder.

"What?" he objected.

Harry just shook his head.

**GINNY: "What's wrong with Professor Snape?"**

**RON: "Uh nothing, he's just uh… evil!"**

Hermione gave him a look and Ron repeated, "What?"

**HARRY: "Oh, come on Ron, he's really not that bad."**

Ron and Hermione, along with Malfoy, Sirius and Remus, turned to face Harry who seemed just as shocked as anyone that he had been the one to say that.

"It's not me!" he cried in defense.

Everyone ignored him though as they were too busy laughing their tails off at Snape's character.

**SNAPE: "Harry Potter…Detention."**

**HARRY: "What?"**

**SNAPE: "For talking out of turn…"**

Ron raised an eyebrow at Harry as if to say "You were saying?"

"I didn't say it Ron!"

"**Now, before we begin I'm going to give you all your very, very first… pop quiz! Can anyone tell me what a port key is? Oh yes, Ms. Granger?"**

**HERMIONE: "A port key is an enchanted object that when touched will transport one or ones who touch it to anywhere in the globe decided on by the enchanter."**

Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Malfoy all smirked at Hermione's portrayal.

**SNAPE: "Oh, very good…Now can anyone tell me what foreshadowing is? Yes, Ms. Granger?"**

**HERMIONE: "Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point is mentioned early in the story to return later in a more significant way."**

**SNAPE: "Perfect…"**

**RON: "Wait, what's a port key again? I missed that one."**

"You _would_ be the one not listening…" huffed Hermione.

"What?" Ron asked.

"Oh, never mind."

**HERMIONE: "A port key is something that when you touch it will transport you anywhere."**

**SNAPE: "And remember, a port key can be any sort of seemingly harmless object, like a football…a dolphin…"**

"A dolphin?"

"A cute animal that would run away from your ugly mug Sirius."

"Moony, not nice."

**LAVENDER: "Professor…? Could like a person be a port key?"**

**SNAPE: "No, that's absurd. Cause then if a person were to touch themselves…"**

"Why look at me?" Ron asked.

Harry and Ginny stuffed their fists into their mouths in order for Ron to not hear the giggles and chuckles coming from them.

"**they would constantly be transported into different places. A person can, however, be a horcrux."**

Dumbledore looked up sharply.

**HARRY: "What's uh, what's a horcrux?"**

**SNAPE: "I'm not even going to tell you Harry, you'll find out soon enough."**

**HERMIONE: "Professor, what is the point of this quiz?"**

**SNAPE: "Oh, no, no, no point in particular…Just important information that everyone should know…Especially you! Now, moving right along…There are four houses in all, Gryffindor-"**

**GRYFFINDORS: "Woo!"**

All the Gryffindors in fact wooed as well.

**SNAPE: "-Ravenclaw-"**

**RAVENCLAWS: "Ow!"**

Cho cheered on her house, as she was the only Raven there.

**SNAPE: "-Hufflepuff-"**

**HUFFLEPUFFS: "Find!"**

"Diggory, shut up!" Malfoy yelled at the Puff.

"I second that." Harry said, though sickened by having to agree with Malfoy. Dumbledore smiled at that.

**SNAPE: "-What? And Slytherin…"**

**SLYTHERINS: "Yes…"**

**SNAPE: "Now traditionally- traditionally points are given for good behavior and deducted for rule breaking…example; ten points from Gryffindor!"**

**HARRY: "What..?"**

**SNAPE: "For Ms. Granger's excessive pep."**

**HARRY & RON: "Thanks Hermione…"**

Hermione rolled her eyes.

**SNAPE: Traditionally, the house with the most points at the end of the year would win the House Cup, however this year, we're doing things a bit differently…Here to introduce it is our new professor of the Dark Arts…Professor Quirrell!"**

**HARRY: "Ow! Ow! Ow!"**

**HERMIONE: "What's wrong?"**

**QUIRRELL: "The House Cup…a time honored tradition…For centuries-"**

**DRACO: "Go home terrorist!"**

Ron, Malfoy and Harry burst out laughing.

"Malfoy, I don't like you." Ron said. "But you're brilliant sometimes."

"I know." Harry said. "Why didn't someone say that to Quirrell when he was alive?"

"Because it would have been rude?" Hermione interjected.

"Nah." All three boys said.

**QUIRRELL: "For centuries, the four houses of Hogwarts have competed for the honor and glory of holding the title of house champion. But where does this competition come from, and what are the…roots of the tradition?"**

**HERMIONE: "The House Cup tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts students."**

"God Granger, shut up!"

**QUIRRELL: "That was a rhetorical question…"**

"See, even Quirrell agrees with me."

"Malfoy, Quirrell is someone you don't want agreeing with you." Harry said.

**DUMBLEDORE: "Granger, quit interrupting, twenty points from Gryffindor."**

**RON: "Thanks Hermione…"**

**QUIRRELL: "As I was saying…When the tournament first originated, it was one of a completely different sort…One champion from each of the four houses would complete a series of dangerous tasks…challengers would not only win the cup but eternal glory."**

"I'm confused."

"Join the club."

"But you don't know what I'm confused over."

"Potter, you're always confused. I'm amazed that you passed your first year."

"Severus."

"It wasn't me, headmaster."

All eyes landed on Malfoy.

"What?"

**HERMIONE: "Kind of like a House Cup, or no- like a Triwizard Tournament."**

**QUIRRELL: "Yes, sort of like the Triwizard Tournament, except no, not like that at all…There are four houses, how can it be the Triwizard Tournament with four teams?"**

**HERMIONE: "Well, Professor, if I remember correctly, the House Cup was disbanded after one semester when one of its students was killed during the first task."**

"Hermione, are you sure that's not you?" Ginny smirked.

**QUIRRELL" "Yes, the competition is very dangerous, but the rewards far outweigh the risks!"**

**HERMIONE: "I don't think you heard me, I just said somebody died!"**

"Is that Hermione contradicting a teacher? "yelled Ron.

"It's the end of the world!" Harry cried.

"Oh, be quiet!"

**DUMBLEDORE: "Hermione Granger, shut your ungodly lopsided mouth and quit interrupting! Twenty more points!"**

**HARRY & RON: "Thanks Hermione!"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "God, for the cleverest witch of your age, you sure can be a dumb-ass sometimes…Ten points to Dumbledore!"**

Harry and Ron couldn't help it. The laughter they had been holding for the past five minutes spilled over and they burst out.

"Nice. One. Sir." Harry said as soon as he could gasp for breath.

**QUIRRELL: "Yes, yes, well it will be very dangerous, but the winner will be remembered as a hero for ages to come. And, as the Professor of the Dark Arts, I believe that this practical application is exactly what the curriculum needs to-"**

**AH-CHOO!**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Did your turban just sneeze?"**

**QUIRRELL: "W-what? No."**

"I'm amazed Tom didn't sneeze as well. He smelt disgusting." Harry muttered.

**DUMBLEDORE: "I could have sworn I heard a sneeze coming from the back of your direction, but your mouth wasn't moving."**

**QUIRRELL: "No, that was simply a fart, excuse me."**

"You're a dead man, Squirrel!" Harry sang (to the tune of 'You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch). Everyone else (besides the rest of the trio and Dumbledore) just gave him odd looks.

**AH-CHOO!**

**HARRY: "Ow! Ow! Ow!"**

"What's with you Potter?"

"Yeah, Harry. You're acting odd." Hermione said.

"*Detention* *First year*" Harry coughed, and Hermione instantly understood.

**AH-CHOO!**

**QUIRRELL: "I must be going…"**

**HARRY: "Ow…"**

**AH-CHOO! **

**QUIRRELL: "I simply farted once more, excuse me!"**

More laughter. Really, what else did you expect?

**DUMBLEDORE: "In accordance with the newly resurrected House Cup, the champions from each house will be selected to compete! Now Snape, will you do the honors please?"**

**SNAPE: "Yes, Headmaster... First, from the Ravenclaw house… a Ms. Cho Chang!"**

**CHO: "Oh my God, I won! Can you believe that y'all?"**

**SNAPE: "Next, from Hufflepuff… a Mr. Cedric Diggory…"**

**CEDRIC: "Well, I don't **_**find**_** this surprising at all…"**

"Shut up about the finding!" Harry, Ron, Sirius and Ginny shouted.

"It's not me!" Cedric retorted.

**CHO: "Now, I can spend more time with my beloved boyfriend…"**

**CEDRIC: "I'm glad as well, my darling!"**

Ginny and Sirius were miming gagging noises, and Hermione and Remus actually slapped them on the back pretending to help them cough up whatever was caught.

**SNAPE: "And next, from the Slytherin house…a Draco Malfoy!"**

**DRACO: "Hah! Ho! I've finally beat you, didn't I Potter? What do you think about that, huh? I'm the champion this time!"**

Harry looked faintly disgusted at the idea of Malfoy rolling in his lap as the one on stage was doing, as did Malfoy.

"I'm disturbed." Ron said, hiding his eyes.

"You're not the only one." Cedric muttered.

**DUMBLEDORE: "Draco, would you sit down, you little shit? Champion's just a title!"**

The tension, which had been stifling, was broken and everyone broke out into laughter. Ron was crying ;he was laughing so hard.

**SNAPE: "And finally, from the Gryffindor house…Oh my…well isn't this curious? The one person in all of Hogwarts whom I have a well-known grudge against is suddenly in a tournament where he may very well **_**lose**_** his life…"**

Harry groaned.

**NEVILLE: "If it's me, I-I'll just apologize to my fellow Gryffindors right now for losing."**

"Aww…Neville…" sighed Ginny.

"Stupid Longbottom."

"Shove it Malfoy."

**SNAPE: "Sit down, you inarticulate bumble! It's Harry Potter!"**

**RON: "Woo!"**

Everyone laughed as the real life Ron did the same thing.

**HARRY: "What..? Uh-huh…Oh yeah!"**

"Smooth Harry."

"Shut it Ron."

**DUMBLEDORE: "Well there you have it folks, your four Hogwarts Champions. I want all of you to start preparing immediately because the first task is in two months and it could be anything. So, let's get to it! "**

A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews. I've been humming 'Back to Hogwarts' all day and have gotten some weird looks. Oh, well. I got my English class to waste the last hour of class by humming it, and then some guy knew the words and another guy could play it on his guitar and then when we finished the bell rang and the teacher couldn't give us homework. But seriously, we preformed that today! I love my life!

Oh, REVIEW!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

A/N: See chapter one

**RON: "Harry, you got this tournament in the bag."**

"Thanks Ron."

"No problem."

**HARRY: "I don't know man, Cedric Diggory…he's pretty awesome- **_**not**_**! He **_**sucks**_**! I'm totally gonna win, it's in the bag!"**

"Hey!"

"Not me!"

**HERMIONE: "I-I don't know Harry…"**

**RON: "Oh my God, Hermione, shut up! Why do you have to rain on everybody's parade?"**

"I do not!"

"*Firebolt*" Ron coughed.

"*Midnight duel*" Harry coughed.

"*The map*" Harry coughed.

"*Quiditch*" Ron coughed.

"I get it!"

**HERMIONE: "Because Ron, this is dangerous!"**

**HARRY: "Dangerous? Oh come on Hermione, how dangerous could it be, especially for me?"**

"Potter, are you really that dumb?"

"Shut it Malfoy."

**HERMIONE: "Well, you're not invincible Harry, somebody died in this tournament."**

**HARRY: "Uh, I'm the boy-who-lived, not died, God! What's the worst that could happen?"**

"Good one, Harry!"

**HERMIONE: "And I don't know about that Quirrell character, first he resurrects some horrible ancient tournament, then he bumps into you and your scar starts to hurt, and you have to admit, there's something really **_**funky**_** about the back of his head!"**

"But Hermione—"

"Quirrell's a teacher—"

"And you always—"

"Trust teachers."

"When did Malfoy and Cedric start finishing your sentences?" Ginny asked the boys.

"Meh. It works."

**HARRY: "Come on, think about it, Quirrell is a professor and who hires professors-?"**

**HARRY & RON: "Dumbledore!"**

"Brilliant. I'm glad four years of magical education could teach you something Potter."

**HARRY: "He's the smartest, most awesomest, most practical wizard- beautiful wizard in the whole world! Why-why, would he possibly hire someone who's trying to hurt me?"**

**HERMIONE: "Well, what about Snape?"**

Several heads popped up at this. Hermione Granger _not_ trusting Snape?

**HARRY: "Yeah, what about him?"**

**HERMIONE: "He's hated you for years! And he's hated your parents too Harry, everybody knows that. And he just so happens to pick your name out of the house cup out of hundreds, if not five possible Gryffindors?"**

"Hermione, learn to count."

"Shut it."

**HARRY: "Yeah, what a coincidence, we lucked out!"**

**HERMIONE: "No Harry, I don't think it is a coincidence. When you defeated Voldemort you made a **_**lot**_** of enemies, ones you may not even know about."**

"Don't I know it." Harry frowned, thinking of Wormtail.

**HARRY: "Okay, so let me get this straight, you're saying this tournament is one big ploy to try and kill me."**

Harry almost smiled. "Yeah, what are the odds of that actually happening?"

Hermione shoved him playfully.

"About the same as The Chamber of Secrets being opened." Ron said.

"Or catching the Snitch in your mouth." Malfoy sneered.

**HERMIONE: "I don't know, maybe! Anyway, I just think it's dangerous and I don't think you should do it." **

**HARRY: "Alright Hermione, if it means that much to you, I'll drop out."**

**HERMIONE: "Oh, thank you Harry!"**

"You're too noble Harry." Ron commented lazily.

"Hermione's the brains of the operation," Harry shrugged. "She's usually right."

**RON: "Wait- wait, what? The House Cup? What about all the eternal glory you would win?"**

**HARRY: "Hey, eternal glory- I've already got that. Besides, Neville will be a great champion!"**

"Good point."

"What? About Longbottom?"

"No, that Harry already has eternal glory you fool!"

**RON: "No, no, no! I do not want Schlongbottom to be my champion!"**

Ron and Sirius started to roar with laughter.

"Prat. You're the one who said it." Harry muttered.

**HERMIONE: "Harry look, all you have to do- Oh look there's Dumbledore! All you have to do is just talk to him now and tell him that you're dropping out?"**

**HARRY: "Um, listen Hermione, Dumbledore and I are really cool, we're super tight and I don't want to make him think I'm being lazy, or disaffecting him, so can you just- why don't you tell him, just tell him I want to work on school or somethin' alright? Hey, you got this one- you're the best! Go on, you got it."**

Hermione watched Actor-Harry tap Actress-Hermione's nose and turned to Harry fiercely to remark, "If you ever do that to me, I will smack you."

Unconsciously, Malfoy rubbed his cheek as though to ward away the sting of Hermione's slap from last year.

"I'll help." Ginny said, her eyes narrowing.

Harry nodded, in fear of his life.

**HERMIONE: "Okay…"**

**HARRY: "Don't worry about it."**

**HERMIONE: "Dumbledore?"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Yes, Granger?"**

**HERMIONE: "Uh, I need to talk to you for a moment, it's about the House Cup tournament. Um, well first of all, I think it's an **_**awful**_** idea, but um, second of all, I don't think that Harry Potter should compete."**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Granger…why do you always have to be such a big ol' stick in the mud? Huh, pray tell me why Harry Potter shouldn't compete?"**

"Good point sir."

"Hermione, stop glaring at Malfoy. Malfoy, stop causing Hermione to glare at you."

**HERMIONE: "Uh, because he- wants to study!"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Granger, nobody studies at Hogwarts, except for you!"**

"So true!" all the students said, well except for Cho.

**HERMIONE: "Gah! Okay, well he wants to focus on the O.W.L.s!"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Why couldn't Harry have told me this himself? He thinks **_**I'm**_** cool, **_**we're**_** tight!"**

"Please, never say the word tight again professor." Harry groaned.

"Agreed." Malfoy looked even a little green.

**HERMIONE: "No! Professor, I'm a really bad liar, okay? I think it's a ruse, a set-up and I even think Snape might be trying to kill Harry Potter."**

"You are a really bad liar."

"Shut it Malfoy."

**DUMBLEDORE: "Severus Snape is one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, sexiest men I have ever met! Severus Snape is trying to kill Harry Potter about as much as he's trying to kill me, huh?"**

Everyone in the room, including Malfoy, Dumbledore _and_ Snape, blanched at the idea of Snape being _sexy_. It just gave them all images of Snape that made them shiver with disgust.

"TMI, Professor!" Hermione yelled.

"Dude, don't need to know!" Sirius shouted.

Ron just threw up, along with Cedric.

"Might I remind all of you that it is not me saying those lines."

"But you might be thinking it." Harry muttered, causing Remus to spray out his water.

**SNAPE: "Oh, why Professor Dumbledore…"**

"Why, why, why?" Harry moaned.

Ron and Cedric went back to throwing up.

**DUMBLEDORE: "Oh!"**

**SNAPE: "I just happened to be in the kitchen and I made you this…**_**delicious sandwich**_**!"**

"Check it for poison!"

**DUMBLEDORE: "Why thank you, Severus! You see Granger, how thoughtful!"**

**HERMIONE: "Uh…"**

**SNAPE: "Here you are Professor, bomb-appetite! I mean- bon-appetite!"**

**HERMIONE: "Um…is that sandwich ticking?"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "It looks like it's licking; finger-licking good!"**

**HERMIONE: "Uh…Professor, I don't think you should eat that sandwich!"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Why Granger? You gotta listen to Snape more often, you might even get a sandwich out of it!"**

Ron gulped, "I don't think I'd want any sandwich that Snape makes…"

"Agreed." Cedric nodded his head.

This was confirmed when the Hermione onscreen grabbed the sandwich and threw it off stage and it was followed by a huge **BOOM!**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Granger, what are you doing? Dog-gone it you exploded my sandwich!"**

**HERMIONE: "I'm sorry, sir!"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Hey, even if I did believe that Harry Potter was in danger, he has to compete! You see that cup?"**

**HERMIONE: "Yes!"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "It's enchanted! Whosever's name comes out of the cup has to compete, or the results would be bad…"**

**HERMIONE: "What do you mean, bad?"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Try to imagine your entire life stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light."**

**HERMIONE: "A total protonic reversal!"**

Hermione chuckled at the Ghostbusters reference. Everyone else looked at her as if she was insane.

**DUMBLEDORE: "Yeah…so you see, Harry Potter has to compete. And Hermione, if it makes you feel any better, the last guy who died in the tournament was a Hufflepuff, so um…so I'll keep my eyes open and nothing is gonna get past old Dumbledore!"**

**HERMIONE: "Alright…"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Now I gotta go make myself another sandwich, although I don't know how it's going to be as good as the last one- the last one ticked!"**

**HERMIONE: "'Cause it was a **_**bomb**_**!"**

Harry, Ron, and Ginny laughed at their friend.

"**Harry I'm so sorry, but I think you're going to have to compete in the House Cup tournament. But don't worry, I won't rest until I find out what the first task is gonna be!"**

**RON: "And I'll sabotage all the other champions, so that you win by default."**

Harry laughed, "Thanks, Ron."

"Anytime, mate." Ron joked back.

**HARRY: "Alright, awesome!"**

**DRACO: "Well…isn't this **_**touching**_**!"**

**RON: "Oh my God, just butt out Malfoy!"**

**DRACO: "Goyle and I have a bet you know? He says you won't last five minutes in this tournament…I disagree…I think you wouldn't last five minutes at Pigfarts!"**

Malfoy could be heard muttering "_Pig farts_…I'm talking about pork gas…?"

"Has he gone mad?" Harry asked.

"The day had to come sooner or later." Ron shrugged.

**HARRY: "What? Alright, Malfoy, what is Pigfarts?"**

**DRACO: "Oh…never heard of it? Ha, figures…famous **_**Potter**_** doesn't even know about Pigfarts…"**

"Please stop rolling around on the ground, Malfoy."

"Diggory, I _find_ that you _find_ this annoying." Malfoy smirked.

"I do."

"Then I'll continue."

**HARRY: "Malfoy, don't act like you don't want to talk about it, this is like the ninth time you've mentioned Pigfarts- what is Pigfarts?"**

**DRACO: "Pigfarts is only the greatest wizarding school in the galaxy!"**

**HERMIONE: "Malfoy, I've never heard of that."**

**DRACO: "That's because Pigfarts, is **_**on**_** Mars…"**

"No…" moaned Malfoy.

"Yes…" Harry said, smirking.

"Boys…" Hermione groaned.

"Play…" Sirius moaned.

"Shut it Sirius."

"But-I… oh never mind."

**HARRY: "Alright Malfoy, you know we're trying to have a conversation here, so if you could just leave us alone…?"**

**DRACO: "Oh! No, I'm not even here…"**

**The trio began speaking quietly about how they could find out the first task from Dumbledore when they were interrupted again.**

"Malfoy, your character is becoming annoying." Ginny said very sweetly and in a way that promised pain.

**DRACO: "Dumbledore? What an old coot! He's nothing like Rumbleroar!"**

**GOYLE: "RUMBLEROAR!"**

**HARRY: "Anyway, I was saying-"**

**DRACO: "Rumbleroar is the headmaster at Pigfarts! He's a **_**lion**_**, who can **_**talk**_**."**

"Did Lucius drop you on your head as a baby?" Sirius asked Malfoy.

"It's not me!"

**HARRY: "Malfoy, if you don't mind, we're trying to have a conversation here, it's not like- what are you doing? You're not even eating, get out of here!"**

**DRACO: "Well, I can't help it if we can hear everything you say, we're the only ones in here."**

**HARRY: "Well just- come on Malfoy, just get out of here, please?"**

**DRACO: "Where are we supposed to go?"**

"Delivery: one opening to Harry Potter." Sirius acted like a delivery person.

**HARRY: "Uh, I don't know- uh, Pigfarts?"**

"Delivery was accepted by Prongslet at 7:59 pm." Remus responded, acting like a computer.

**DRACO: "Oh, ha-ha-ha. Now you're just being cute! I can't just **_**go**_** to Pigfarts, it's **_**on Mars**_**! You **_**need**_** a rocket ship! Do you have a rocket ship Potter? I bet you **_**do**_**…You know not all of us inherited enough money to buy out NASA when our parents died…Look at this- look at this- Rocket-ship Potter! Oh, oh **_**Starkid**_** Potter! **_**Moonshoes**_** Potter! Traversing the galaxy for intergalactic travels to Pigfarts! Ooh!"**

Harry appeared repulsed, "Why, Malfoy, do you keep climbing in my lap?"

"Trust me, Potter, it wasn't my idea." Malfoy groaned.

"Please try and stop before we all get sick." Cedric said, looking a little green as he said it.

"It's not me!"

**HARRY: "Alright, that's it! This is the most misguided way to try and make me feel jealous. I don't **_**care**_** if you make fun of me, but if you bring my parents into this, it's a whole other story."**

"You fool. Never bring someone's dead parents into a fight. They will pound you into a pulp." Snape hissed into Malfoy's ear.

**DRACO: "Whoa- not so fast! Crabbe, Goyle!"**

**HARRY: "Oh, sure just walk-"**

**GOYLE: "BACK OFF NERD!"**

Draco laughed derisively. If his character had to be an idiot at least Potter would be too.

"Shove it Malfoy."

**HARRY: "Whoa!"**

**DRACO: "Not so tough now, are you Potter? Maybe you should hang out with someone better than that lollygagging ginger and his stupid mudblood girlfriend!"**

Draco smirked at the last comment; that was more like it.

**HERMIONE: "Oh…that is it, Malfoy! **_**Jelly-legs jinx**_**!**

Malfoy sneered, "That's not a _real_ spell."

"You think, Malfoy?" snapped Hermione.

"Don't challenge her, fool. We'll never hear the end of it." Snape hissed at his godson.

**CRABBE: "Oh, come **_**on**_**!"**

**GOYLE: "Hey, no fair, our legs are jelly!"**

Draco's smirk was wiped off his face and Hermione was looking fiendishly delighted.

"I'm friends with idiots." Malfoy moaned, putting his hands on his head.

"At least he admits it." Harry muttered to Ron.

**HERMIONE: "Take it back, Malfoy!"**

**DRACO: "Take **_**what**_** back?"**

**HERMIONE: "Take back what you said about your stupid, made-up space school!"**

"Actually—" Hermione began.

"Don't care, Granger." Malfoy interrupted.

**RON: "Yeah, and all stuff about Hermione being my girlfriend, that's not even a little bit true…"**

"Tell me Ron, how's Egypt this time of year?" Cedric asked.

"You know, Cedric. I _find_ that to be very annoying and _find_ it to be in your best interest to stop."

**HERMIONE: "And say you're sorry for calling me a you-know-what!"**

**DRACO: "I'm sorry!"**

**HERMIONE: "And you promise you'll never do it again?"**

**DRACO: "I promise!"**

**HERMIONE: "Right! Now next time we tell you to leave us alone, you better do it!**

"That was just like last year…" smiled Ron reminiscently.

"What happened then?" wondered Cedric aloud.

"Not telling." Harry smirked.

"**Come on Harry, Ron, let's get out of here…Besides, you already ate all my lunch."**

Hermione sighed, "That sounds about right…"

"No it doesn't." both boys responded.

"Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt." Remus muttered.

**RON: "Wow."**

**HARRY: "Thanks Hermione."**

**HERMIONE: "Yeah, **_**un-gellify**_**!**

"Muggles. Brilliant at some things. Lousy at others." Hermione shook her head.

**RON: "Wow, that was like the most bad-ass thing I've ever seen! Too bad no one was here to see it though, it was like an outburst of pent-up aggression- it was like ARRRGH Hermione!"**

Harry, Ron, and Ginny laughed. It made Hermione sound like a rampaging monster.

Sirius and Remus snorted.

Snape shook his head.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled.

**GOYLE: "Wow, that sucked royal hippogriff! We got beat by a girl, who is a nerd!"**

"I am not a nerd!" exclaimed Hermione.

"Yes you are." Every student in the room responded dully, as if they had to respond to that before.

Cho snorted. "Sucked Royal Hippogriff."

"I _find_ it funny that Goyle can actually talk." Harry muttered.

**DRACO: "I didn't mean what I said you know, Pigfarts **_**is**_** real. Am I, am I bleeding…? Goyle?"**

Malfoy ran a hand through his hair angrily. "Ugh, he's such a wimp…"

"You do know that you're talking about yourself, right?" Sirius asked, unsure.

Malfoy glared at him.

"Alright, just checking!"

**GOYLE: "NO!"**

**DRACO: "I thought maybe…may-maybe…wow, I've never been pushed down like that by a girl…Maybe I shouldn't call her a mud- whatever!"**

"Last year…" sang Ron. It gave him great satisfaction to watch Malfoy's fingers twitching as if to grab his wand and curse them all into oblivion.

"All right, what happened last year?" Cho asked.

"Yeah."

"Harry, do you _find_ them to be curious?" Ron asked his friend.

"Yes, Ron. I _find_ that I do."

"Just tell us!"

"Alright. Hermione hit Malfoy for calling Hagrid a oaf."

**GOYLE: "I can't believe I couldn't figure out the counter curse was just un-gellify!"**

**DRACO: "Yeah right, I'm not surprised. Come on let's go watch Wizards of Waverly Place!"**

"And on that note, time for the next one!" smiled Hermione, reaching forward to press the button.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

A/N: See chapter One!

"Yay! Another Clip!"

"Shut it will you Ron. It's starting!"

**QUIRRELL: "Fools! They're all fools. They think they're safe, they think they're back for another year of learning shenanigans at Hogwarts, little do they know the danger that's lurking right under their noses…Or should I say, on the back of their heads?"**

"Wait, this is Quirrel right?" Cho asked.

"Yep."

"So what's up with his…" Cedric stared at the screen in shock.

**VOLDEMORT: "AH!"**

"**I can't **_**breathe**_** in that damn turban!"**

**QUIRRELL: "I'm sorry my Lord, it's a necessary precaution! For if they knew that you lived, that when Harry Potter destroyed you your soul lived on…"**

"We'd probably pelt it with snow balls." Harry said with a straight face.

"Huh?" Sirius asked.

"Oh, the twins bewitched snowballs to bounce on the back of his turban."

"I LOVE THEM!" not only Sirius but also Remus shouted.

**VOLDEMORT: "Yes, that when my body was destroyed I was forced to live in the Forbidden Forest eating bugs and mushrooms and, **_**ugh**_**, unicorn blood…"**

"So it was Voldemort who was in the forest that night?" Malfoy asked Harry.

"Yeah, and you ran like a—"

"Shut it Potter."

**QUIRRELL: "Until I found you and let you attach yourself to my soul…"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Yes…nobody must know any of that…Now Quirrel, get me some water! Now Quirrel, pour it in my mouth!"**

Everyone had a laugh at Voldemort's struggle to drink the water Quirrel was offering; he looked like a gerbil drinking from its' water dropper.

**QUIRRELL: "Your plan to infiltrate Hogwarts is going swimmingly my liege!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "**_**Yes, yes, yes**_**, I'm done with the water! We must not have any more foul-ups like tonight in the Great Hall! "**

**QUIRRELL: "I'm sorry my Lord, **_**you**_** sneezed!"**

Harry gasped; it took a lot of guts to tell Lord Voldemort that he, not you, was in the wrong. He'd never suspected Quirrel of having that kind of nerve.

**VOLDEMORT: "I know that! Get me some Nasonex you swine! Wash that turban! It tickles my nose…"**

"Wow, he's weird." Cedric pointed out. Harry glared. He may have no problem with the elder boy, but his actor was dating the girl who played Cho. That was not right.

**QUIRRELL: "Yes, my Dark King!"**

"Dark King?" Sirius asked.

"As far as I know, he's never asked us to call him that." Snape admitted.

**VOLDEMORT: "Okay, just relax with the 'Dark King', I watch you wipe your butt daily- you can call me Voldemort, we're there! We've reached that point."**

"It's like they're married!" Sirius cried out. The rest of the group (minus Snape and Dumbledore) was just laughing their heads off. Even the little prat.

**QUIRRELL: "Yes, yes, yes, my- Voldemort!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Now Quirrel, get us ready for bed. We must be well rested if we wish to kill Potter. Tonight in the Great Hall, he was so **_**close**_** I could have touched him! Revenge is at my fingertips Quirrel, I can taste it…it tastes like…cool mint…"**

Harry raised an eyebrow at this; his arch-nemesis was so strange.

"Do I want to know?" Malfoy asked.

**QUIRRELL: "That's our Listerine, Voldemort!"**

"Huh?" the Purebloods asked.

"Mouthwash." Hermione answered.

**VOLDEMORT: "Yes…excellent. Well Quirrel…Good night Quirrel."**

**QUIRRELL: "Good night."**

"I wondered how he would sleep." Harry muttered. From what he knew of old Snaky, he seemed too proud to be smushed by a pillow.

**VOLDEMORT: "Okay, okay, I can't do this! You gotta roll over, I can't sleep on my tummy."**

"And I was right." Harry muttered again.

**QUIRRELL: "No, I always sleep on my back, I have back trouble- that's the only way I'm comfortable…"**

**VOLDEMORT: "You roll over right now, or I'll- I'll eat your pillow! You'll be having a dream that you're eating a giant marshmallow, but really you'll wake up and your favorite goose feather pillow will be missing!"**

"That happened to me!" Sirius cried.

"No, that happened to Peter. You and James ate his pillow because you were drunk." Remus chuckled.

"Oh, right."

Both Remus's and Sirius's eyes darkened at the mention of the rat.

**QUIRRELL: "Fine, we'll compromise! We'll sleep on our side!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Okay, I guess I can do this."**

**QUIRRELL: "Now, good night!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Good night Quirrel."**

They watched, amused as Voldemort's eyes began darting towards the dirty clothes hanging on the chair and back again.

"**Hey **_**Quirrel**_**, how long have those robes been on that chair?"**

**QUIRRELL: "I think they're from last night, I just put them there for now."**

**VOLDEMORT: "Well, are you planning on putting them in a hamper? What's your plan with these?"**

**QUIRRELL: "I figured I'd just leave them there for now and that I'd put them away in the morning, okay?"**

"He's mouthing off to Snaky?" Harry asked.

"Does he have a death wish?" Malfoy yelled.

Both of these were asked at the same time.

**VOLDEMORT: "Uh, **_**no**_**! No, that's not okay! I can't go to sleep knowing there's dirty clothes on that chair, the chair's going to start smelling like dirty clothes!"**

**QUIRRELL: "Look, I promise I'll put them away in the morning!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "You put them away RIGHT- NOW! I **_**command**_** you to get up and- fold them at least! Make it into a neat pile…"**

"Power mad much?"

"For once Black, I agree with you."

**QUIRRELL: "Look, if we're going to be in this situation for a while we're going to have to learn to live with each other. Now I've been single for all my life and I have some habits- and sometimes I leave laundry around."**

**VOLDEMORT: "Well, I believe that everything has it's place- **_**muggles**_** have their place, **_**mudbloods**_** have their place, and **_**so do your clothes**_**- namely a **_**dresser**_**!"**

"Oi!"

"Pig!"

"Snake face!"

"Bitter old man who hates Dumbledore because he wouldn't give him the teaching spot he wanted."

All eyes turned to Snape.

"Being one of the inner circle gave you insight into things that you wished you never knew."

**QUIRRELL: "Well, aren't we an odd couple? You won't sleep on your tummy."**

**VOLDEMORT: "You won't sleep on your back."**

**VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL: "We're quite a kooky couple you'll agree."**

**QUIRRELL: "We share some hands and fingers" **

"Understatement much?" Cedric and Ron muttered.

**VOLDEMORT: " And yet the feeling lingers"**

**VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL: "We're just about as different as anyone could be" **

**VOLDEMORT: "You like plotting a garden and I like plotting to kill" **

"Did he really?"

"Everyone knows that about Voldie Sirius."

"I meant Quirrel Moony!"

**QUIRRELL: "You think that you should rule the world, I think books are a thrill! Sipping tea by the fires swell…"**

"Ah a man who likes the fine things in life." Dumbledore sighed.

"Sir, this is a man—"

"—Who has—"

"—Snake face—"

"-On the back—"

"—Of his head."

"I'm quite aware of that."

Moony, Padfoot, Harry and Ron groaned.

**VOLDEMORT: "Pushing people in is fun as well! I like folding all my ties" **

"Who doesn't?" Malfoy asked.

"Sane people?" Ron snapped back.

**QUIRRELL: "And you have no friends, hey that's a surprise!"**

Everyone was leaning on each other for support, as by now they were laughing so hard they had lost control of motor functions.

**VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL: "I guess it's plain to see when you look at you and me we're different different as can be!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "You're a sissy, a twat, a girl! I'm the darkest of lords!" **

**QUIRRELL: "I'm the brightest professor here, I've won several awards!" **

"Really?"

"No."

"Good."

"Severus…"

"Sir?"

"*Sigh* never mind."

**VOLDEMORT: "My new world is about to unfold…" **

**QUIRRELL: "You got beat by a two year old!"**

"GO HARRY!"

"I thought he was fifteen months?"

"Sounds nicer."

**VOLDEMORT: "I'll kill him this time through and through!" **

**QUIRRELL: "Or you might just give him another tattoo!" **

"Why'd he have to leave? He's funny!"

"Because he tried to kill your godson!"

"Details, Moony, details."

**VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL: "You really must agree when you look at you and me we're different different as can-"**

**VOLDEMORT: "I'll rise again and I'll rule the world But you must help me renew For when our plan succeeds-**

**"QUIRRELL: "Prevails!" **

**VOLDEMORT: "Part of that world goes to you…" **

**QUIRRELL: "When I rule the world I'll plant flowers!"**

Hermione, Ginny, and Cho giggled hysterically; that was so cute.

**VOLDEMORT: "When I rule the world I'll have **_**snakes**_** And goblins, and werewolves, and giants, and thestrals, a fleet of dementors, and all my Death Eaters!" (QUIRRELL: And Jane Austen novels)**

Hermione and Remus grinned widely at the usage of a literary reference.

"Wasn't Quirrel pureblood?" Malfoy leaned over and asked Snape.

"I think he was."

**VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL: " When I rule the world! Hahahaha!"**

"Well that was weird." Harry said.

"Next Clip!" Ron, Cedric and Sirius shouted drowning out what else Harry had to say.

A/N: In celebration for the Rally to Restore Sanity tomorrow, I figured I should put up another chapter. So I will. Review!

School is evil, so don't expect much. Oh, I got accepted into one of the universities I applied to so another reason why I posted another chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

A/N: See Chapter One

"Come on!" Sirius started to bounce.

"It's on. Stop bouncing!"

**HERMIONE: "Harry, don't you think you should try and figure out what the first task is going to be? You could actually die if you're not ready."**

**HARRY: "What? Come on…I mean can't you just do it for me, like prepare all my stuff for me? What are you doing right now?"**

**HERMIONE: "I'm writing your potions essay."**

"I would never!" Hermione objected, scandalized by the very idea of her cheating for anyone.

"She might as well have, by the time we finished asking her questions she's re-written two-thirds of it…" Ron muttered to Harry, who nodded fervently.

"Oh Granger." Malfoy sighed. "We all know you practically do their homework for them."

"Malfoy it would be in your best interest to shut up." Hermione hissed, clenching her fist.

**HARRY: "Oh, well do that first cause that's due tomorrow. But after that, after that, can you prepare for the first task please…? Thank you, you are the **_**best**_**! You got it. Thanks Hermione."**

Hermione was scowling and her hand was suspiciously close to her wand-pocket.

"**Hey Ginny, come here, I wanna show you somethin' come here…"**

**GINNY: "Hey, Harry Potter…"**

**HARRY: "Listen, I wanna play this song I'm working on. I met this girl that I really, really like and I wanna let her know that she's really special, so I just wanna know what you think. Just for the purposes of now cause I'm still working out the lyrics, I'm going to put your name where her name should be, but I don't think that it's going to work out because well...let me give it a shot."**

Ginny looked as though she had her suspicions about where this was leading but she was reserving judgment until something happened.

"Woo! Go Harry!"

"Shut it Sirius!"

**"You're tall and fun and pretty You're really, really skinny Ginny**

**I'm the Mickey to your Minnie You're the Tigger to my Winnie Ginny**

**Wanna take you to the city Gonna take you out to dinny Ginny**

**You're cuter than a guinea pig Wanna take you up to Winnipeg That's in Canada!**

Harry was laughing at the song and Ginny was smiling but she was waiting for the other shoe to drop; she knew things were going too well for her character.

"Nice one Harry!" Sirius choked out.

Everyone, except for Remus, was too busy laughing at the song; the memory of Harry's valentine from Ginny in his second year was fresh in their minds.

"Green eyed toad." Malfoy muttered.

Ginny whacked all of them with pillows.

**Ginny Ginny Ginny Ginny- You know what this doesn't work with your name at all. But I don't know, how does that make you feel, emotionally?"**

**GINNY: "Wow, wowee Harry Potter!"**

**HARRY: "Don't you think, you know, it could make a girl fall in love with me?"**

**GINNY: "Oh, I think it already has…"**

"Aww!"

"Shut it!" Ginny hissed, her cheeks flaming red.

**HARRY: "Awesome, cause it's for Cho Chang!"**

**GINNY: "Oh yeah, she is beautiful…"**

**HARRY: "What are you nuts, beautiful? More like super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot! She's the hottest girl I've ever met, far more attractive, far more appealing, and far more interesting than any girl that I know, in my immediate group of friends."**

"Can I use that line?" Ron asked.

"Oh, Harry." Cho sighed. Cedric began to growl.

**RON: "Sup Neville? Move, move, move, move, move, move, awesome."**

"Nice one Weasel."

"Thanks Malfoy."

"**Hey Harry, what's up? So, I was just offstage hanging out with Hagrid and I was- I saw these delivery wizards carrying giant cages into the dungeons. I don't know what that's for…"**

**HERMIONE: "Giant cages! I bet whatever's in those cages has something to do with the first task! Harry we have to find out what it is!"**

**HARRY: "Hey, hey guys, chill. I'm busy."**

Hermione made an angry sound and sent an agitated look at her lazy friend, as his counterpart played a few riffs on his guitar.

**RON: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!"**

**(GINNY: "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!")**

"An accurate presentation."

"Shut it Malfoy!"

**HERMIONE: "Guys listen; this could be a matter of life and death!"**

**RON: "Well it doesn't **_**matter**_** because it's after hours, okay? We'll have to sneak out of Gryffindor House and we'll probably get in trouble if we do and even if we do, Schlongbottom over there will probably tell on us!"**

All the students chuckled.

"If I hear this name around school, I'll know who to take points off of." Snape hissed. He was getting tired of that stupid name.

**HERMIONE: "Neville won't tell…" NEVILLE: "Oh yes, I certainly will!"**

**RON: "So what are we gonna do?"**

**HERMIONE: "Simple guys, we use the cloak."**

**RON: "Of course."**

**HARRY & RON: "The cloak."**

"Wow."

"Shut it, Sirius."

"No, you really got that unison thing down pat."

**GINNY: "Wait, what cloak?"**

**RON: "Shut up!"**

**HARRY: "When I was a little boy at Hogwarts, I got a present- Oh bye, Neville. I got a present my first year at Hogwarts and uh, well it was left to me by my Dad. My Dad is dead. My father's dead. I have a dead father."**

"Morbid." Cedric muttered.

"Shut it."

"If we ever needed proof that that wasn't Potter, that was it." Malfoy muttered.

"**We use it to solve mysteries and stuff, it's my invisibility cloak!"**

They revealed a hot pink, sparkly monstrosity that made Harry and Ron cringe.

"I think praying no one ever sees this video is your only line of defense." Sirius said. Remus was just coughing up the water he'd swallowed.

**RON: "Yah!"**

**GINNY: "Whoa, oh boy, wowee, Harry Potter! He's got an invisibility cloak! Oh, oh, oh- you know what I would do if I had an invisibility cloak?"**

**HARRY: "Oh, oh man- I would kick uh, I'd kick wiener dogs."**

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but nice one Potter."

"Thanks?"

"Oh, I just think they're freaks of nature. But why didn't you say Mrs. Norris?"

"Because there are teachers around."

"Oh."

**RON: "And I would pretend to be a ghost and scare people."**

**HERMIONE: "I would use it to avoid ever having to face my reflection in the mirror."**

"Hermione!"

"You look fine."

Hermione began to blush over the complements Cho and Ginny were giving her.

**HARRY: "That's a bummer."**

**RON: "Jesus."**

**GINNY: "Well actually, I was gonna say that I would fake my own death and then watch people cry at the funeral!"**

"And you guys call me morbid." Harry muttered.

**HARRY: "Okay, anyway- let's get out of here before Neville gets out of the bathroom!"**

**RON: "Whoa, whoa, whoa- where do you think you're goin'?"**

**GINNY: "Um, with you guys…?"**

**RON: "No, no, no way, no kid sisters allowed okay?"**

"Oi!"

"Not me!" Ron said, from his new spot by Remus. His sister wouldn't dare curse a former teacher.

"'**Sides, there's only room enough under this cloak for two people…so uh, come on Hermione, come on…"**

"Learn to count Weasel."

"How many times have we told you to shut it Malfoy?"

"Six hundred and one. I'm trying to see how long it takes before your head explodes"

"Oh. Carry on."

**HERMIONE: "Yes!"**

**GINNY:**

"**The way his hair falls in his eyes makes me wonder if he'll ever see through my disguise and I'm under his spell**. **Everything is falling and I don't know where to land everyone knows who he is but they don't know who I am**

**Harry, Harry, Why cant you see what you're doing to me**

**I've seen you conquer certain death and even when you're just standing there you take away my breath and maybe someday you'll hear my song and understand that all along there's something more that I'm trying to say when I say**

**Harry, Harry, Harry why can't you see what you're doing to me"**

"Aww." Cho and Hermione sighed.

"Harry, Cedric's glaring at you."

"Yes Sirius. That' s why I'm sitting by you. So that way I'm not an easy target."

"Oh."

"Next Clip!" Ginny declared. Hopefully Malfoy's character would be in it. That's good for a laugh.

A/N: I can't believe it. Two chapters in a row. Good long ones as well. *Grins* Well, do you think I should type up another tonight, or wait until Sunday?

Review!

Oh, and to answer one of the questions I got via review, yes whenever anything good happens to me you all get an update. For example, my final grade in Latin for the term bumped up from a D- to a B+. Totally Awesome.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

A/N: See Chapter One!

"Clip!"

"Shut it!"

**QUIRRELL: "Master, master! The shipments for the First Task of the tournament have arrived!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "I know Quirrell, I hear everything that you hear."**

"That would get annoying after awhile." Moony said, glaring at Sirius.

"What? I forgot you were standing next to me."

"You shouted it to the heavens Padfoot!"

"Do you know what they're talking about?" Harry leaned over and asked Malfoy.

"Not a clue."

**QUIRRELL: "Isn't it wonderful master? We made sure that Harry Potter's name was drawn from the cup and soon he will be ours."**

**VOLDEMORT: "Yes…It's really happening isn't it Quirrell? You know…with the plan going so well maybe we should celebrate. What do you say Quirrell, how about we's go out? I hear it's karaoke night down at the Hog's Head."**

"Ah, a ballad?"

"Or maybe hip hop?"

"Or maybe the I'll kill the wolf and the mutt song?"

"Shutting up now."

**QUIRRELL: "I don't know…I have all these papers to grade and I've been giving so much attention to this revenge plan that I'm really behind."**

**VOLDEMORT: "Come on Quirrel, you've been working so hard all year…you deserve a night off!"**

**QUIRRELL: "But the papers…"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Oh just give them all B minuses and be done with it!"**

"I would have know something was up if that had happened." Dumbledore said.

"So that's how I got a B- on why food is so good." Ron muttered to Harry.

"And the fact that it was written on a napkin helped your grade." Harry snorted.

**QUIRRELL: "Now that's evil."**

**VOLDEMORT: "Ha, yeah thanks, I am the Dark Lord. Come on…just a few drinks. Hey, we'll try to pick up some chicks!"**

**QUIRRELL: "I wouldn't know what to say, I'm no good at that!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Come on, it'll be fun! You just move your lips and I'll do the talking."**

**QUIRRELL: "Uh…"**

**VOLDEMORT: "**_**Quirrell**_**…**_** man**_**…**_** listen**_**...I may just be a parasite on the back of you head, literally devouring your soul every time I take a breath, but I can **_**see**_** that you're too good a guy to not have a little bit of fun once in a while. You **_**deserve**_** this."**

"I do have to agree with him there," voiced Harry "Any guy who spends a year with Lord Voldemort attached to their body deserves a bit more than a round of drinks."

"Harry, you need help." Ron said.

"I'll get you to a shrink when I'm freed." Sirius promised.

"Oh shut it the both of you."

**QUIRRELL: "Well if you put it that way then yeah let's just go wild tonight!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Wahhaha! That's the spirit Quirrell! Put on a fresh pair of wizard shorts and grab your tunic- Quirrell, we are gonna get you laid! Seriously man, back when I had a body- woo- I had **_**mad**_** game with the bitches- just ask Bellatrix Lestrange!"**

Ron spoke in a loud clear voice, "If you think that Voldemort did indeed have 'mad game with the bitches', raise your hand!"

Only Snape, Harry, and Ginny raised their hands and they appeared uneasy that they shared opinions on something like that.

"Why?" asked Ron disgustedly.

Harry spoke up first, "I saw what Voldemort was like when he was younger, and he _was _pretty charming."

"Yeah," added Ginny "and he was admittedly quite dishy." It was obvious from how she said it, that there was no attraction to him, it was just a statement of fact.

They all turned to Snape who grudgingly answered, "As I said before, being in the inner circle means you hear things you wished you hadn't." he shuddered as though reliving a Bellatrix Lestrange kiss-and-tell moment.

"One thing." Sirius asked. "How does my godson know what snaky looked like when he was younger?"

"Pictures?"

"Oh. Okay." Sirius said, not really believing it for a minute but wanting to watch the rest of the clip.

**RON: "Whoa, uh this cloak isn't as big as it used to be…"**

"We're going to outgrow it?"

"Harry's going to grow?"

"Why do pillows keep hitting me?"

**HERMIONE: "Shh! Someone's coming!"**

**MALFOY: "Did you just hear something?"**

Malfoy grimaced at the return of his character. Everyone else just laughed.

**GOYLE: "No, only quiet. Maybe…one raindrop…"**

**MALFOY: "No matter…tell me Goyle, who do you think is the ugliest girl in school?"**

**GOYLE: "Uh…Oh, Buckbeak for sure."**

"Buckbeak's a guy." Harry stated, then seeing Malfoy turn to him suspiciously he amended, "Was a guy. Yeah, he's been dead since last year though so it doesn't really matter…" he turned back to the screen and tried to ignore the calculating look on Malfoy's face.

"Smooth mate." Ron muttered.

"Shut it."

**MALFOY: "Crabbe?"**

**CRABBE: "Uh…Winky the house-elf!"**

"Who's that?" asked Malfoy, distracted from the Buckbeak talk.

Harry, who was happy to see him off the subject of Buckbeak answered quickly, "Oh, that's Dobby's girlfriend."

"Dobby…?" Malfoy muttered confusedly, "Why do I know that name…"

Ron spoke up smugly, "He was your old house-elf, Harry tricked your father into freeing him and he's been working at Hogwarts ever since."

To stop Hermione from lecturing all of them on the importance of house elf freedom, Sirius let the thing play.

**MALFOY: "Good one. **_**Obscure**_**! You know who I think is the ugliest girl in school? That Hermione Granger…you know what I would give her on a scale of one to ten, one- one would be the ugliest and ten would be pretty, I would give her…an eight."**

Malfoy saw where this was going and snarled. No way would he ever be in love with that mudblood Granger!

"Wow Malfoy, I'm flattered." Hermione said smirking.

"I'm trying to insult you."

"It's not working."

"**An eight point five! Or a nine…Not, not over a nine point eight because there is always room for improvement. Not everyone's perfect, **_**like me**_**. That's why **_**I**_** am holding out for a **_**ten**_**- because I'm worth it. Come on, let's go!"**

Everyone, but Malfoy, burst out laughing at this statement and Ron crowed, "You are so not worth it!"

"Yes I am." Malfoy sniffed.

**HARRY: "Wow, what a bunch of jerks!"**

**HERMIONE: "Alright, forget them- now where did you say you saw those crates being delivered?"**

**RON: "Well, I think they were being delivered to the auditorium so they should be at the end of this hallway and to the left. Look!"**

**HERMIONE: "A goat?"**

**HARRY: "A goat! God, I have to fight a goat? I don't know if I could do that morally."**

Dumbledore nodded approvingly, "And that's what sets you apart from Aberforth, Harry."

Snape chuckled. He knew Dumbledore just spread that around because it explained the goats at the bar. Truth be told, the goats were Aberforth's way of sending messages. Handy if you're talking to someone in the mountains.

"You know, I'm not quite sure that's what he did to the goats…" Ron whispered to Harry grinning. Seeing as they were teenage boys, the first thing they did was tell it to Sirius. They had to wait for five minutes so that Sirius could gasp for air.

**SNAPE: "And the goats have all been set for feeding time, Headmaster."**

"Yay! Snape's back!"

"I never thought those words would ever come out of Potter's mouth."

**DUMBLEDORE: "Feeding time? Dragons don't wanna be fed, they wanna hunt!"**

**HARRY: "Did he just say dragons?"**

**SNAPE: "Did you just say, 'did he just say dragons?'"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "I must have because anybody else hiding in this room would have known to have **_**shut up Potter**_**!"**

Harry laughed, remembering how he felt that his headmaster could see thought the cloak.

Everyone else just laughed because it was funny.

**SNAPE: "Headmaster, do you really think it's wise to have children fight dragons?"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "No, Snape! I don't think it's wise to do anything anymore, like here I am alive and well today and I could very well be killed by you tomorrow…"**

**SNAPE: "Why, that's **_**absurd**_**!"**

Malfoy burst out laughing at this managing to say, "You know, maybe this musical-thing isn't too bad…"

"He's lost his mind." Ron muttered.

"No body help him find it." Harry told him.

"He's nicer insane." Cedric added in his two knuts.

**DUMBLEDORE: "Severus let's go to bed, have you ever seen my room? I have some pretty kickin' posters on my wall…"**

**SNAPE: "Well, I am rather tired…"**

**HARRY: "Oh man, I have to fight a dragon? This is bogus! How can I fight a dragon, I'm just a little kid!"**

"Really, how old am I supposed to be in this musical?" objected Harry.

"Ummm? 14?"

"Shut it Malfoy!"

**RON: "Alright, well maybe it won't be that bad Harry, maybe you'll just have to fight like Mushu from Mulan, or I don't know maybe you'll- maybe you'll have like Puff the Magic Dragon or something…"**

Hermione laughed at the reference to the cartoon dragons.

"What are those?" Malfoy pondered aloud and everyone else either nodded or continued wearing baffled expressions. Hermione pulled up another tab on the internet and googled both of the dragons.

"Wow. Muggles are insane."

"But cool!'

"Sirius,don't make me stun you."

**HERMIONE: "Ron, this is serious okay- Harry could die! Now look, there's still time, we just need to figure out a plan…"**

**HARRY: "Okay well, we should probably do that back in the common room…w-wait where's the invisibility cloak?"**

**RON: "Well, I threw it over on that magical walking chair over there- oh…"**

**HARRY: "Oh, that's- that's gonna be an issue…"**

"Fail!"

"Next clip!"

A/N: All right, another chapter done! I rock! You're all worth this! Review!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

A/N: See first chapter

A/N: HAPPY HALLOWEEN! *bows head in memory of Lilly and James Potter*

**QUIRRELL: "I thought walking home drunk was hard before…"**

"Wasn't this the imbecile that couldn't even drink a bottle of butterbeer without becoming drunk as a skunk?" Snape asked.

"Yeah." Remus muttered.

"Wasn't he in Hufflepuff?" Sirius pondered.

"Well then I guess he found his years at school to be challenging." Ron muttered to Harry.

**VOLDEMORT: "Yeah, yeah, we shoulda realized that with the both of us drinking into one belly we'd get twice as drunk! Hahaha…Hey Quirrell, Quirr- Quir- Quirrell- Quirrell, **_**Quirrell**_**- Quirrell- Quirrell you remember that girl you were talking to? You remember the girl you were talking to- well I was talking to her sister on **_**my**_** side…"**

**QUIRRELL: "Oh! So that's why she freaked out when we stood up!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Because they didn't know we were-"**

**QUIRRELMORT: "-One person!"**

"Why does that sound like something your brothers would do?" Cho asked Ron.

"Because they would." Ron shrugged.

"Sounds like Sirius that time he and James—"

"Moony, you swore you'd never mention that again!"

**QUIRRELL: "You know, I haven't had this much fun since Nearly Headless Nick's- Dick's- **_**Nick's**_** Deathday Party of '91…"**

"He was there?" asked Ron confused.

"You'd think we would have noticed his ghost." Hermione muttered.

"I think the better question, Weasel, is why you were there." stated Malfoy.

"Shut it Malfoy."

"All three of us were," said Harry (ignoring Ron), "I was invited."

"Of course, _Perfect Potter_ famous with witches, wizards, and ghost alike..."

"Severus," Dumbledore said with a faint warning in his voice.

"Actually he got me out of a tough spot with Flich and I'd said I'd go."

"And dragged us along." Ron muttered.

**VOLDEMORT: "Yeah…I haven't had this much fun since…Yeah, well shit, I don't remember ever having this much fun!"**

"You know, I still can't get over the fact that he was on the back of his head." Cho shuddered.

"Me neither." Cedric nodded. Harry glared as Cho curled into his rival, looking for support. Cedric shot him a smug grin.

**QUIRRELL: "You never had fun…ever? Doing- doing anything? Maybe that's why you're so evil…"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Yeah, **_**maybe**_**…Definitely to do with the fact that muggles and mudbloods make me sick to my stomach…But ah…Yeah, I guess you could be right I mean, It's kinda funny…"**

**QUIRRELL: "What is it Voldemort?"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Oh it's just that I never- I never- I never really ever…I never really ever- really ever considered another reason for me being so evil, you know? Cause normally I just uh, I just kill people who try to get me to open up, you know? Oops! But it's- it's kinda nice to just um- it's kinda nice to just talk…"**

"Ah if only that was true." Sirius mused.

"We'd never have to fight wars if people talked out their problems." Remus continued.

"Then again we wouldn't have to prank people if they talked about their problems either." Snape drawled out.

"But where's the fun in that?" Sirius and Remus asked.

**QUIRRELL: "Yeah…You know, I have to admit, I was kinda nervous when you first demanded that you attach yourself to my soul…"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Yeah, I could sense that…"**

Harry chuckled.

"Mate?" Ron asked.

"Oh just thinking that you'd have to be insane not to be fearful when someone asks to attach themselves to your soul."

"Good point."

**QUIRRELL: "But, like now I think it's- I think it's kinda cool…It's like having a really close room-mate or even a-"**

**VOLDEMORT: "-Yeah like a slave…like a- like a Death Eater…"**

**QUIRRELL: "No man, it's like…having a friend!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "I've never had a friend before…"**

**QUIRRELL: "Well, looks like you got one now…"**

"Am I aloud to puke?" Malfoy asked.

"No." Ron said with a serious look on his face.

"Am I?" Harry asked.

"No, Harry. I'm afraid that you are not." Remus frowned, but his lips were twitching.

"Am I?" Sirius begged.

"Go ahead mate."

Sirius conjured up a bucket and proceeded to puke inside of it.

**VOLDEMORT: "Huhuhuh… Who would have thought at the beginning of this year that we'd feel like that for each other…? I guess everything is different between us now, huh?"**

**QUIRRELL: I guess it's plain to see When you look at you and me we're different different as can be**

**VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL: We simply guarantee When you're looking at you and me we're different different as can be**

**QUIRRELL: It's a comedy of sorts when you're bound to Voldemort**

"Yeah, I'm sure that was a right load of laughs." Remus chuckled.

"I can't believe Professor Lupin was a joker." Cedric muttered to Cho.

"I can't believe you and Harry are competing for me." Cho shot back. Cedric winced, so she had noticed that look he'd shot at Harry.

**VOLDEMORT: And I'm happy as a squirrel Long as I'm with Mr. Quirrell**

"Fred and George used to call him Professor Squirrel..." Ron voiced reminiscently. "He never seemed to like it though..."

"I can't imagine why," said Malfoy and Harry in unison, causing them to turn to one another in abject horror. They were _not _alike.

"Urgh."

"Harry!"

Both Weasley children shuddered.

"Shut it Ron!"

"Ah the joys of hearing someone else being told to shut it."

"Shut it Malfoy!"

**VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL: We'll lead 'em to the slaughter and we'll murder Harry Potter**

"Hey!" yelled Harry in mock-offense and Malfoy laughed vindictively in his chair.

"I'd like to see them try." Sirius growled.

"Easy Padfoot." Remus warned.

**We're different Different Different, different As can be!**

"And with that we are incredibly lucky!" Ron declared.

"Amen to that!" Cedric nodded.

"Next clip?" Harry asked, smirking.

"Yeah!"

"Are you—"?

"Don't toy with us Potter!"

A/N: Like I said, Happy Halloween. Should I have Cho talk to Harry and Cedric about this little rivalry they're having or bask in the attention?

Review!

Oh, on a side note: The rally was AWESOME! Throngs of people were there, I saw dozens of signs, and one dude was dressed up like a clown. I even saw a guy dressed up like Snaky, but it turned out he wasn't going to the rally. *frown*


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

A/N: Whoo! Nine Chapters! Now, I'll begin to slow down as I like having something to do when I'm supposed to be doing homework. Review!

**SNAPE: "The Hogwarts champions shall now enter the Champion's Tent, in preparation for the first task…"**

**HARRY: "Man…I can't believe we've gotta skip lunch period for this stupid task…"**

"Hear, hear!" Cedric shouted and Ron nodded fervently.

**HERMIONE: "Okay Harry, today's the day, the day you fight the dragon. Now, did you read those notes that I made for you on dragons?"**

**HARRY: "**_**No**_**."**

**HERMIONE: "What, why not?"**

"Because he's Potter?"

**HARRY: "Are you kidding me, those were so boring…"**

"That works too."

**HERMIONE: "So you- you didn't read them, you didn't prepare at all? You're not prepared at all?"**

**HARRY: "Well no, at least I have my wand, um…I brought my…"**

**HERMIONE: "Harry."**

The Hermione onstage thrust Harry's wand at him and Harry frowned. "Okay, I'm not _that _bad."

Ron and Hermione smirked and murmured "_Your wand_. World Cup."

"That was a set of different circumstances."

"That infernal cloak. End of last year."

"You try and remember something when dodging the Willow."

**HARRY: "**_**Hey**_**…cool…You're the best..."**

**HERMIONE: "Harry just, please don't die today…I don't want to see my best friend get eaten by a dragon!"**

**HARRY: "Hey, hey relax, okay? Save the tears for my funeral…"**

Hermione slapped her best friend on the back of the head, knocking his messy hair even more askew. "You _would _say that."

"No I wouldn't. I like living." Harry said in protest.

"Save it Harry."

**HERMIONE: "Yeah, yeah…"**

Cedric and Malfoy's characters came back on the screen

"Yay! Malfoy's back!"

"It's the end of the world. Ron likes Malfoy!" Harry cried.

"Shut it Harry!"

**CEDRIC: "So, tell me more about this Pigfarts, I **_**find**_** it to be very interesting."**

**DRACO: "Well, while you're there you have to wear your space suit at all times, because there's no atmosphere on Mars so if a single docking bay opens, you'll probably die."**

**CEDRIC: "My, how **_**dreadful**_**!"**

"Yet, he still sounds excited..." Ginny mumbled, confusedly.

"How could you not, when there's every chance that Malfoy might die at Pigfarts?" Ron remarked.

Harry donned a grin of agreement.

"Boys." Hermione said, shaking her head.

"OI!"

"Ginny." Hermione shook her head again.

**DRACO: "Well, but the good news is if you're a good enough student, Rumbleroar lets you ride around on his back!"**

**CEDRIC: "And he's the headmaster lion?"**

**DRACO: "Who can talk."**

"Well, that's something I hope Messrs. Weasleys never hear about. Although if they do, I would conveniently forget about this part."

Harry and Ron snuck a smile and made a mental note to tell Fred and George about that.

**CEDRIC: "Oh…Well hello Harry, how are you feeling today?"**

**HARRY: "Hey Cedric, trying to stay positive…"**

"Someone's jealous!"

"Shut it Malfoy."

**CEDRIC: "Well good, I'm happy to **_**find**_** you in good spirits! Miss Granger."**

Harry smirked when Cedric glared at the screen.

"That's going to be a very constant thing, isn't it?"

"Yep."

**HERMIONE: "Hello…"**

"Hermione, what's your problem against me?"

"Nothing, though I find it very egomatic of you to assume that I'd be angry at you and not nervous for my friend."

**CHO: "Sugar-pie!"**

"Urgh!"

"Mature guys."

"That was Sirius."

"Harry!"

**CEDRIC: "My darling! Was that a kiss for good luck?"**

**CHO: "**_**No**_**, that was for bein' so cotton-pickin' **_**cute**_**! This one's for good luck!"**

**HARRY: "Hate that guy…"**

Cho felt herself smile a little at the attention she was getting from both Harry and Cedric.

**HERMIONE: "It's okay Harry, you're going to be great today…"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "**_**Oh**_** God! Granger I thought you were a boggart! I'm terrified of those…And what the hell are you doing in the Champion's Tent? Get out of here, ten more points!"**

**HARRY: "Thanks Hermione…"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "**_**Are you kids ready to fight a dragon**_**…? Of course not you're just children, what the hell am I thinkin'?"**

The room burst into loud laughter at Dumbledore's crazy antics. Dumbledore in particular was beaming.

"Good one Professor!" Sirius called out.

**"Well, outside this tent are thousands upon thousands of screaming fans and they're either going to be cheering for **_**you**_**- **_**or the dragon**_**- but either way they'll be makin' some kind of noise! So- in order for the selection process to be fair, I'm going to randomly select a cardboard cut-out size version of the dragon you will be defeating. For you Cedric, Puff the Magic Dragon. Figment, the Imaginary Dragon…The Reluctant Dragon…and for you Potter, **_**theHungarian Horntail most terrifying thing you'll ever see in your whole life**_**!"**

**HARRY: "Hey! Ah! Oh my God!"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Right, if there are no complaints I think I wanna-"**

**HARRY: "Hey wait, hold on a second! This is terrifying, those are the cutest things I've ever seen."**

"Something tells me that I just have rotten luck." Harry muttered.

"Oh don't feel bad pup." Sirius comforted his godson. "Your father was the same way until seventh year. Lily kept cursing him."

"Because you kept pranking her, Pads." Remus butted in.

"Details, details."

**DUMBLEDORE: "This thing is horrifying! Just use your imagination…Disapparate!"**

"Not a spell!" Malfoy huffed.

"That's what you said last time." Hermione smirked.

**RON: "God, this competition is going to suck all these dragons are wimps- **_**Accio**_** Double-stuff!"**

"Why am I always eating?" Ron asked.

"Because you have a black hole for a stomach Ron."

"Harry!"

"Just stating the facts, mate."

**"Look at that one…**_**Oh my God, monster**_**! Wait, is that yours?"**

**HARRY: "Yeah."**

**RON: "Oh my God, that's awesome, I wanna hold it! Oh my God, this thing is terrifying, hope the real thing is smaller…**_**Rawr**_**! Ferocious, what are you gonna do?"**

"Ron! Can't you see Harry is upset?" Hermione scolded, smacking Ron on the back.

"Some friend you are." Cho huffed and scooted closer to Harry. Harry smirked in Cedric's direction.

"Guys. It's not me!"

**HARRY: "I don't know, I'm not cut out for this kind of thing!"**

**RON: "Oh my God…"**

**HERMIONE: "Ron! This is the Champion's Tent, you can't be in here!"**

**SNAPE: "Ms. Granger…what the devil are you doing in the Champion's Tent? Ten points from Gryffindor!"**

**HARRY: "Ugh…Thanks Hermione…"**

**RON: "Thanks Hermione. Good luck buddy- Bye Snape!"**

Hermione scowled.

"But wasn't he also in the tent?" Ginny glared.

"Snape hates her." Harry said.

**SNAPE: "Bye…Cedric Diggory…now is your chance to face…your dragon."**

**CEDRIC: "Alright fellas wish me luck!"**

**CHO: "I believe in you!"**

**CEDRIC: "That's all I needed to hear!"**

Ginny and Hermione laughed at the cheesy line, and the males looked sickened.

"What if she said 'You'd be better off in meatloaf'? Would you have said the same thing?" Ron asked.

"No."

"I find that you would."

"Shut it."

**HARRY: "Hey Malfoy, tell ya what I'll let you switch dragons with me. I'll give **_**you**_** the chance to switch dragons with me- I'll give you that opportunity. Alright, don't worry about it-"**

**DRACO: "Uh…let me think about it- No."**

Malfoy pointed his index finger at the screen victoriously, "_There_. At least there's _some _of me in there somewhere."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." Cedric muttered.

**HARRY: "Come on Malfoy, come on, I'll- I'll give you my Gushers!"**

**DRACO: "Oh no, I have a Fruit by the Foot, I don't want your Gushers."**

**SNAPE: "Cho Chang…your dragon awaits…"**

**CHO: "**_**Well**_**, I can't **_**imagine**_** that this will be very hard…"**

**SNAPE: "Oh I **_**imagine**_**, it won't!"**

"At least that pun won't last the entire play." Cedric muttered. Cho glared and scooted closer to Harry.

**CHO & SNAPE: "Ahahaha!"**

**HARRY: "Malfoy, come on! Tell ya what, I'll throw in my Teddygrams with the Gushers- you can make little Gusher- Teddygram sandwiches!"**

**DRACO: "Alright, you throw in that pack of Bugles and you've got yourself a deal!"**

Ron's mouth was watering at all the mention of snack foods.

**HARRY: "Absolutely not."**

**SNAPE: "Draco Malfoy…"**

**HARRY: "Professor Snape, is there anyway I can- I don't know, forfeit, or switch dragons- maybe just take a day off- What-what-what're you doing?"**

**SNAPE: "I'm protecting you Potter, Welsh Greenbacks can't stand the taste of Hunt's Tomato Ketchup!"**

**HARRY: "But I'm not fighting a Welsh Greenback, I'm fighting a Hungarian Horntail!"**

**SNAPE: "Oh, silly me! Hunt's Tomato Ketchup is what Hungarian Horntails like best of all…Good luck Potter!"**

"I believe that this is a theory that should be tested..." Sirius announced smiling dangerously at Snape.

"Try it Black and you'll become the first neutered animagus."

**HARRY: "What?"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "And now Harry Potter, the terrifying Hungarian Horntail, most terrifying thing you'll ever see your whole life! It should be noted, that this particular dragon has not been fed…in two weeks…"**

Harry scowled mumbling darkly, "Oh yeah, let's make it more dangerous for Harry..."

**HERMIONE: "Come on, Harry…"**

**RON: "Woo! Go Harry! You got it!"**

**HERMIONE: "Just think positive, you can do it! Harry- Harry- Harry!"**

**RON: "Ahhhh!"**

**HARRY: "Oh my God! A-a-**_**accio**_** guitar!**

"What? Guitar?" Harry spluttered.

"That I'd love to see!" Cedric laughed.

"Mate, I'm siding with Diggory on this one." Ron chuckled.

**Hey dragon you don't gotta do this Lets reevaluate our options throw away our old presumptions cause really you don't wanna go through this**

Malfoy glanced over at his rival and drawled, "Really, Potter. You're going to sing to a dragon. You never cease to amaze me in your stupidity."

"Says the boy who gets beaten by Hermione in every exam."

"They're rigged!"

**I'm really not that special the Boy-Who-Lived is only flesh and bone the truth is in the end I'm pretty useless without friends In fact I'm alone Just like now but anyhow**

**I spend my time at school trying to be this cool guy I never even asked for I don't know any spells**

"Yes, I do!" Harry objected.

Ron nodded and added "Yeah, you should see him preform expelliarmus!" Harry growled and shoved him.

"See if you get that Cannon's book for your birthday." Harry muttered.

"No. Please!" Ron cried. "I'll be good!"

**Still manage to do well But there's only so long that can last for I'm living off the glory of some stupid children's story I had nothing to do with I just sat there and got lucky so level with me buddy I can't defeat thee so please don't eat me All I can do is sing this song for you"**

**HARRY: "Lalalalala"**

"Oh my God, Harry!" giggled Hermione and she was joined by Ginny.

"I adore musicians." Cho said, glancing at both of her admirers. Harry made a mental note to learn to play guitar. Cedric made a mental note to buy all the guitars in Britain.

**DRAGON: "Rarararara"**

"Charlie would be laughing like crazy." Ginny giggled. Ron was doubled over wheezing out air.

**HARRY: "Lalalalala Lalala"**

**HARRY: "That's right Dragon You never asked to be a dragon I never asked to be a champion We both just jumped on the band wagon But all we need is guitar jamming"**

**HARRY: "Lalalalala"**

**DRAGON: "Rarararara"**

**HARRY: "Lalalalala Lalala"**

**HARRY: (speaking) "Goodnight Dragon.**

**1-2-3! I beat the dragon!"**

"It fell asleep." said Ron, chuckling.

"So Potter didn't beat it." said Malfoy with a smug look on his face.

"Amounts to the same thing though, doesn't it?" Harry returned with a roll of his eyes.

"Next Clip!" Ron shouted.

"Alright!"

A/N: Again, Happy Halloween. Something I've been wondering. Why doesn't JKR at least mention that Harry spends a Halloween mourning his parents? Seeing in DH that he's not surprised about the date of their deaths, Harry would have to know.

Oh. Review!


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

A/N: I do not own AVPM OR the Harry Potter world

**SNAPE: "Attention all Hogwarts students…tonight is our annual Yule Ball, so please remember to pick up your Yule Ball Wreath and give it to that special someone…Ah! Ginger!"**

All the students (and Sirius) started to laugh, even Malfoy. It wasn't the sort of thing that they could see Professor Snape doing. Malfoy, though, stopped at the sight of Snape's glare.

**GINNY: "Oh, hey, Harry Potter…"**

Ginny groaned. That stupid crush of hers was going to haunt her until the end of her days.

**HARRY: "Oh, hi Ginny."**

**GINNY: "Fancy seeing you here, huh?"**

**HARRY: "Uh well, it's the cafeteria so yeah…"**

Harry, Ron, and Sirius sniggered. Ginny slapped Harry in the stomach making him double over as he gasped for air.

"Nice one Weaselette." Malfoy sneered.

Suddenly, Malfoy was changed into a ferret.

"Harry!" Hermione cried.

"Don't look at me!"

"Well it wasn't Ron!"

"Oi!"

"Ginny would only do her Bat-Bogey."

Said girl smirked as all the students shuddered in fear.

"Remus? Sirius?"

"It's not Padfoot."

Everyone looked at Remus.

"I was a prankster," he said in defense as he righted Malfoy.

**GINNY: "Um, so, um, the Yule Ball's coming up, huh?"**

**HARRY: "Yeah I know it is, very, very soon, yeah…"**

**GINNY: "Um well, were you thinking of going with anybody?"**

**HARRY: "I was! Actually I was just waiting for the right time to ask somebody and I think, I think that time is right now, so if- if you have something to say, just get it out cause…"**

"Yeah, spit it out Gin, Harry's busy." Sirius scolded**.**

**GINNY: "Ahhh!"**

Ginny's character showed off the wreath to Harry grinning in excitement.

**HARRY: "Oh is this for me? Oh Ginny, how did you know that I needed a wreath so I could ask Cho Chang, you're the best!"**

**GINNY: "Oh…Harry Potter…**_**forget**_** it!"**

"Aw…"

Ginny pulled out her wand.

"You know, it's not really that big a deal."

"Keep telling yourself that Diggory." Ginny growled.

**HARRY: "Alright, I will! Cool! Hey, hey Cho Chang, listen; I know the Yule Ball is coming up and I was wondering if uh, maybe you wanted to go with me… but just in case you're kind of on the fence about it, you should know that I play guitar and that I conquered that dragon's heart with it and I think it will conquer yours…**

**You're tall and fun and pretty You're really, really skinny Cho Chang**

**I'm the Mickey to your Minnie You're the Tigger to my Winnie Cho Chang**

**You're cuter than a guinea pig Wanna take you up to Winnipeg That's in Canada!**

**Cho Cho Cho Cho China Ching Chong Cho Chang!**

…**whatever."**

Cho grimaced. The song wasn't all that good, but it was the thought that counted right? Privately she thought it sounded better with Ginny's name in place of hers.

**CHO: "Well Harry Potter, bless your heart…um but, I'ma have to say no…? That young, strapping boy Cedric Dig-gory already asked me, I just have to go with him. Sorry…Come on girls, let's go show Moaning Myrtle our ball gowns and make fun of her cause she can't go!"**

"That's so mean!" Hermione objected. She had never liked Moaning Myrtle but that was no reason to be cruel to her.

"Ummm, right. Not me." Cho said, in response to the angry glares sent her way.

**PANSY & LAVENDER: "Yeah!"**

**RON: "Hey there good buddy, how's it goin'?"**

**HARRY: "Okay…"**

**RON: "Is that a Yule Ball Wreath?"**

**HARRY: "Yeah…"**

**RON: "Who you gonna **_**ask**_**…?"**

Everyone but Malfoy, who looked disgusted, laughed at the ridiculous face Ron's character was making and the way he was speaking.

Ginny ran forward and rewound it to watch it again and Ron's ears turned redder with each repeat.

"Oh, come on." Malfoy cried. "Weasel's not that entertaining."

"Shut it ferret."

**HARRY: "Well I asked Cho Chang, but she turned me down for Cedric Stuppory…"**

"Good one." mocked Malfoy.

"Oi!"

**RON: "Oh my God they're going together? That's so great, I love him so much, they're so cute- couple-"**

**HARRY: "No- no- no- no!"**

**RON: "-I hate him, I hate him so much…Oh my God, he pisses me off, wow…"**

"Now, that I want to see," Sirius muttered.

"**Man that sucks dude, I don't know why she turned you down you're like the coolest guy in school."**

"I know right." Harry remarked and the rest gave him a funny look.

Ron said, "Ya know mate, I think this play is starting to go to your head."

Snape's eyes made their familiar trek up to the ceiling and back again as he drawled, "Like it _needed_ more inflating…"

"Severus…" Dumbledore warned.

Harry wasn't paying them any mind, he was too busy nodding along to the next line.

**HARRY: "I know! I don't get it, I play guitar, I'm Harry Potter, I'm awesome!"**

**RON: "Reeses Pieces?"**

**HARRY: "Yeah…I don't get it man, I guess I'll just go stag…"**

**RON: "Well, I 'm gonna go stag too. The only girls that I know that don't have dates already are Ginny-"**

Harry and Ron blew raspberries.

Ginny scowled fiercely at the boys in question, who were too busy laughing along with Remus, Sirius, and Cedric to notice.

**RON: "And Hermione-"**

**HARRY: "Oh my God!"**

Harry and Ron blew raspberries again.

Hermione and Cho joined Ginny in anger at the boys .

**RON: "I'm not going with my stupid sister."**

"Umm? Mate?" Sirius said, "You might want to run."

Ron took the advice and sat next to Professor Dumbledore.

**HARRY: "And I think of Hermione like a sister, so that's out."**

**RON: "We are in such a puzzle!"**

**HARRY: "What a conundrum…"**

"Boys…." Hermione shook her head. She was their friend and all but they could be really stupid.

**NEVILLE: "My, look at these strapping young men…"**

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny giggled; Neville would never say that, not in a million years.

"If someone gets Longbottom to say that, I'll die with laughter." Malfoy said, through his chuckles.

**HARRY: "Hey Neville…Hey Neville, you want this Yule Ball Wreath?"**

**NEVILLE: "Uh yeah, if you're willing to part with it, I will take this wreath!"**

**HARRY: "Hey Ron, let's go hang out with Hagrid. He can teach us how to dance and help us get our dress robes!"**

"NO!" Remus and Sirius shouted. At the strange looks, Remus elaborated.

"James thought it would be good to get help from Hagrid one time there was a ball in our sixth year."

"He never left his dorm for two days after wards." Sirius finished.

**RON: "That can only lead to disaster and hilarity…**

"You've no idea, Ron."

**HARRY: "Well let's go!"**

**RON: "I mean, I just don't know about Hermione, I don't think anyone's asking her cause she's just so butt ugly-" HARRY: "Hideous!"**

Hermione was staring the pair down furiously.

Harry and Ron each grabbed one of Remus's arms and pulled him in front of them as a human shield.

Ron pleaded shakily, "Hermione, if you love Professor Lupin you won't try to hex us."

Remus just laughed.

"You two remind me of this time James and Sirius tried the exact same thing with Lily. It didn't work then, it won't work now. I don't want to be hexed."

And with that, he got up and moved.

"Traitor!" Ron cried as he dodged a hex.

"Oh!" Cho gasped. "What about the Ministry?"

"I'm here." Dumbledore said as if that explained everything; and in a way it kinda did.

**GOYLE: "Give that plant nerd."**

**NEVILLE: "Oh!"**

**GOYLE: "Oh, Goyle rules!"**

"You know, I'd like him more if he was actually this funny," Malfoy muttered.

**DRACO: "So anyway, it was reluctant enough at first, but I lured it out of its cage with an upside down cake, lassoed it with my Fruit by the Foot and beheaded it with a quick slicing charm, ruddy fool…"**

"Now, that definitely sounds like the Malfoy we know, bragging to all his little Slytherin cronies about his exploits." crowed Ron.

Malfoy shrugged, "_Someone_ has to spread the word of my greatness, might as well be me…"

Harry and Ron rolled their eyes in unison.

"**Goyle? What are you doing with that wreath? Going to ask someone to the Yule Ball?"**

**GOYLE: "No! Dancing's for nerds."**

**CRABBE: "And pretty girls!"**

**DRACO: "Right! You know who the last girl I'd ever ask to the Yule Ball would be? That Hermione Granger"**

Malfoy muttered curses under his breath.

"Someone's in denial!" Harry sang.

"Shut it Potter."

"Make me ferret."

"…**not even if we were the last two people on earth and she looked absolutely stunning in her ball gown, so every time I looked at her I got butterflies in my tummy…Not even then."**

Harry ran from the room as the room rang with laughter, and returned moments later wiping his eyes and saying "Nearly pissed myself…"

"Did not need to know that mate," Ron said, his cheeks bright red.

Malfoy's face was turning an interesting shade of fuchsia.

"**You know, they don't even have dances at Pigfarts! All the noise would disturb Rumbleroar's slumbering cubs."**

Sirius bellowed "RUMBLEROAR!" through his laughter and everyone clutched their aching stomachs as the hilarity mounted.

"Sirius!" Remus yelled. "Don't shout!"

"Hypocrite." Sirius muttered.

**GOYLE: "Dancing is for pansies…"**

**DRACO: "Hey you there, what's your name?"**

**PANSY: "Pansy."**

**DRACO: "Perfect! You're going to the Yule Ball with me. You see that dragon? Well it was reluctant enough at first, but I lured it out of its cage with an upside down cake…"**

**QUIRRELL: "Yule Ball decorating crew! Just the Yule Ball decorating crew coming through…last minute decorations…My Lord! The Yule Ball has finally arrived and I brought the key!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Yes, I know Quirrell! I **_**hear- EVERYTHING- you hear**_**!"**

The group, which was hardly recovered from the last bout of laughter, giggled wheezily at this remark.

"While I love this play, I also like oxygen." Harry muttered.

**QUIRRELL: "I'm sorry."**

**VOLDEMORT: "No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped…I'm just nervous that's all…"**

**QUIRRELL: "Nervous?"**

**VOLDEMORT: "No."**

**QUIRRELL: "Why?"**

**VOLDEMORT: "I don't wanna talk about it."**

**QUIRRELL: "Hey, it's just me…you can tell me anything, you know that..."**

**VOLDEMORT: "Yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right…I'm just nervous because we've been planning this night for so long and I-I want everything to go perfectly, you know?**

**QUIRRELL: "Don't worry…we've mapped out everything, we've anticipated every little problem and compensated for it. We've even prepared what you're going to say to Potter when you see him, so just cool down, relax, by the end of the night you'll have your revenge and your body back."**

**VOLDEMORT: "You're right, you're right, I'm being silly…"**

Harry snorted; something about the pairing of Voldemort and the word 'silly' was just strange to him.

"**But you know, Quirrell over the last year I've really grown attached to you- no pun intended…"**

More people than Harry snorted this time.

**QUIRRELL: "Yeah, I know what you mean…but hey, we'll still hang out, just because we won't be attached won't mean we're completely different people- no pun intended…"**

It sounded like a herd of horses were in the room, due to the amount of snorting at the puns.

"And Moony gets mad when I make my puns" Sirius mutters.

"Because your puns are as old as the Headmaster. No offense sir." Remus shot back.

"None taken Remus."

**VOLDEMORT: "No, no of course not! Hey Quirrell, we should make plans-"**

**QUIRRELL: "-Evil plans?"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Oh uh… no, casual plans…Like um, we could go rollerblading on Saturday and then see a movie at night!"**

**QUIRRELL: "Yeah, it will be great cause we'll both be able to watch it for a change!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Yeah, yeah…I bet it will be nice to sleep in our own beds…"**

**QUIRRELL: "Mmhmm…"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Not always have someone behind you all the time…"**

**QUIRRELL: "And have the privacy of my old life back again…"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Hmm…"**

**QUIRRELL: "The solitude…"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Hmm…no! Whatever happens tonight man, it-it's been a blast."**

"Aw…" Ginny sighed; they were so cute together. Everyone else looked on as if they were crazy.

**QUIRRELL: "Yeah, one crazy year!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Blaahha!"**

There were a few laughs at the crazy face.

**QUIRRELL: "Hey, promise we'll go rollerblading and see that movie!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Oh **_**man**_**, I **_**promise**_**!"**

Quirrell hugged Voldemort and Cedric got a few weird stares; he was imitating the onscreen couple sighing blissfully with his eyes closed. Those nearest him, namely Ron, edged away slowly.

**VOLDEMORT: "Okay, Quirrell- plant that key and split! Pun intended!"**

**SNAPE: "Why Professor Quirrell, what on earth are you doing in the Great **_**Dance**_** Hall, just moments before the **_**dance**_**…?"**

They were starting to wonder if their sides would ever get a chance to recover as they were laughing hysterically once again.

**QUIRRELL: "Just decorating for the Yule Ball- last minute decorations! One final touch!"**

**SNAPE: "A ladle?"**

**QUIRRELL: "A very special ladle for a very special night for a very special punch!"**

**SNAPE: "And what's so special about it…?"**

**QUIRRELL: "Let's just say, it has Squirt in it!"**

"That sounds disgusting." Harry said, his face twisted in displeasure.

**SNAPE: "Squirt! Is that not the favorite drink of one Harry Potter...?"**

"Poor luck mate," Ron said, his voice hoarse.

**QUIRRELL: "Is it…? I had no idea…well we better be going-"**

**SNAPE: "We?"**

**QUIRRELL: "I-I better be going…loud music hurts my ears!"**

**SNAPE: "Okay, well I'll see you later then!"**

**QUIRRELL: "Or maybe you **_**won't**_**."**

**SNAPE: "Or maybe I **_**will**_**!"**

The pair glided away from each other and there was more chuckling at their teacher's flair for the dramatic.

"If anyone asks me to do that in public, they'll be serving detention for the rest of the year.

**DUMBLEDORE: "Excuse me, it's my fault! Hey Severus…"**

**SNAPE: "Oh, uh Headmaster…" DUMBLEDORE: "What are you doing in here, gettin' some punch are ya?"**

"I honestly can't imagine Snape drinking punch." stated Hermione.

"I'm right here." Snape drawled. Hermione jumped.

"You mean _Professor _Snape, right Hermione?" Ron grinned.

"Oh shut it."

**SNAPE: "Oh, no, no, no, there's Squirt in that."**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Oh, only Harry Potter likes that hogshit, I'll stick with my Redbull thank you very much…"**

"Redbull? That doesn't sound good either…" Ron frowned his disgust.

"This from the boy who consumes Fudge Flies on a fairly common basis…" Ginny glared at her brother.

**SNAPE: "Well, good night Headmaster…"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Severus, I- I saved this last dance for you…"**

**SNAPE: "Well I would Headmaster, but you see…an old friend is coming back into town tonight… Heeheehehe…"**

"Well we learned something that we all probably didn't need to know." Remus muttered.

"So true." Ron responded, his face a faint green at the thought of a Dumbledore/ Snape relationship.

"Who wants another clip?" Sirius asked.

"Oh, just play." Harry muttered.

A/N: Sweet! An update! I'm sorry that it's been so long since my last update. Blame school; blame work; blame the fact that my computer is evil and likes to erase my chapters. Just please don't blame me.

Review.

Oh, and Happy Day after National Day of Gluttony (or Thanksgiving)!


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

A/n: I OWN NOTHING!

"Do we have to keep watching?" Malfoy asked.

"Yes!" Cedric insisted.

**HARRY: "Hey Ron."**

**RON: "Hey, what's up dude- how's it goin'? Have you seen Hermione anywhere?"**

**HARRY: "No I haven't. Why?"**

**RON: "Nothing, nothing, it's just you know, I heard Parvati Patil telling Padma Patil that she had seen Hermione in the girl's locker room before just crying her eyes out in the bathroom stall..."**

"What does that remind you of?" Harry asked Ron, who flushed a little.

"Troll in the dungeon?" Ron said back to him.

"Thought you'd ought to know," Hermione whispered back.

**HARRY: "Lame!"**

"HARRY!" Hermione yelled.

"Meep!" Harry said ducking behind Sirius.

**RON: "Yeah I know, isn't that like the saddest thing you've ever heard? I mean, I don't know, it's just inevitable that one day Hermione would realize that no guy would like her."**

Sirius winced in sympathy for Ron, as Hermione, Ginny and Cho all narrowed their eyes at him. That was not something any girl really wanted to hear.

**HARRY: "Yeah."**

**RON: "Because of her obnoxious personality, ugly face, and misshapen body, but you know, it's just- I don't know, she could at least get in one night of happiness before she realized she would be growing old alone, you know?"**

"Run mate," Harry told Ron. It was sound advice, because Hermione looked ready to curse him at that moment.

**DRACO: "Hey, you two over here talking about Granger?"**

**HARRY: "Malfoy get out of here, it's none of your business. Why don't you go dance with Pansy?"**

**Pansy appeared.**

**DRACO: "Hey, go get me some punch."**

**PANSY: "Okay…wait I should tell you there's **_**Squirt**_** in it."**

"What's _Squirt_?" Harry asked. If this was his replica's favorite drink, he wanted to know what it was.

"It's a Muggle drink," Hermione explained. She went and got some for Harry, who drank it and made a face.

"That's worse than Skelo-grow!"

"That's possible?" Sirius asked.

**DRACO: "**_**Squirt? **_**Oh never mind, I'll **_**stay**_** dehydrated…Go- go powder your nose or something…"**

**PANSY: "I-I just fixed my makeup a little while ago…"**

**DRACO: "**_**Trust**_** me, you need more powder…"**

"Smooth Malfoy…real smooth…" mocked Ginny.

"**Pain in the arse, right?"**

All the students looked at Malfoy in shock as they noticed he was slowly nodding his head in agreement.

"What?" he sneered as he noticed their looks.

"Nothing," Cho said quickly.

"**So anyway…noticed Granger's not around here…probably for the better too, no one will be able to keep their hummus and peach chips down with that ugly mug of hers darting about."**

Inwardly, Snape groaned. His godson, whether it was him or just an actor playing him, never knew when to keep his mouth shut.

**RON: "Malfoy why don't you just give her a break for once, okay Malfoy?"**

**DRACO: "Why defending her Weasley? Have a crush?"**

**RON: "No! No- why all the insults Malfoy? Covering up a crush?"**

"Nice one!" Sirius barked out a laugh.

**HARRY: "Yeah!"**

**DRACO: "Oh- right- right! Like I could ever have a crush on that stupid-"**

**CHO: "Oh my Gosh- she looks beautiful, bless her heart!"**

**Hermione's character entered the scene looking lovely.**

"Merlin Hermione! You look great!" Ginny praised.

"That is a very lovely dress," Cho agreed. Ron though was looking at the screen in horror as a spotlight fell on the actor playing him.

**RON: "Here I am face to face with a situation I never ever thought I'd see**

**strange how a dress can take a mess and make her nothing less than beautiful to me**

If it wasn't for the fact that Hermione was so shocked that it was Ron singing it, she would have huffed at that comment.

_Wait, it's just the actor though,_ Hermione reminded herself. _He might not feel the same way. _

**I feel like my eyes have been transfigured something deep inside has changed they've been open wide, but hold that trigger this could mean Danger**

**I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love I could be falling in love, falling in love, falling in love with Hermione Granger"**

Ron was trying hard not to look at Hermione, who was looking at him with an odd expression on her face.

"Hey look! Malfoy!" Harry said pointing to the screen. Malfoy would have groaned, if that wasn't something that pure bloods did in public. Well, Weasley did, but he was a blood traitor.

**DRACO: "WHAT? what the hell is this? YOU expect me to sing about her? don't care about her**

**it's just a little makeup Draco, Wake up I'm mistaken**

**she- is the hottest girl I've ever seen now- because she's like a girl I've never seen don't know why- I'd ever be so mean, this could mean DANGER!**

Malfoy and Ron both had a look of horror etched on their faces. Malfoy, due to the fact that he would _never _sing a love ballad to Granger. Ron, due to the fact that he'd (or his actor) would be competing with _Malfoy!_

**I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love I could be falling in love, falling in love, falling in love With Hermione Granger."**

Malfoy was staring anywhere but the T.V. Cho was attempting to quell her giggles, as was Ginny.

**MALFOY & RON: "I WANNA LET HER KNOW..." MALFOY: "I FEEL SO QUEASY"**

Cedric was trying desperately not to laugh, as the look on Harry's face promised pain to anyone who made fun of his friend.

**MALFOY & RON: "BUT I CAN'T LET IT SHOW..." RON: "SHE'D LAUGH, POOR WEASLEY**

Hermione gasped slightly. _No I wouldn't!_ she thought as she looked over at Ron.

**COME ON RON" DRACO:"DRACO" TOGETHER: "You gotta let it go, you gotta let it go…"**

**MALFOY: "WHAT? what the hell is this?**

When the actor simulated having an erection, Harry lost it. He tried to keep in his laughter—for Ron's sake—but that was it.

Once Harry broke, it was like a tidal wave of laughter was unleashed. Ron even joined in, happy that the attention was off of him for a few minutes.

**I want to sing about her sing about her**

**I want to make up granger, wake up I've been mistaken**

**she- is the hottest girl I've ever seen now- because she's like a girl I've never seen don't know why- I'd ever be so mean, this could mean DANGER!"**

Malfoy sneered at the television screen, pretending that no one was laughing. They, minus Dumbledore and Snape, were of course.

**RON: "Here I am face to face with a situation I never thought I'd see**

**strange how a dress can take a mess and make her nothing less than beautiful to me**

**I feel like my eyes have been transfigured something deep inside has changed they've been open wide, but hold that trigger this could mean Danger"**

**TOGETHER: "I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love I could be falling in love, falling in love, falling in love With Hermione Granger. With Hermione Granger. With Hermione Granger. DANGER!"**

Ron's face was bright red, while Malfoy was trying to act as if he didn't care what others thought of him.

"Next clip?" Cedric suggested.

"PLEASE!" Ron begged, determined not to look at Hermione.

A/N: I AM ALIVE!

Sorry that this hadn't been updated in a while, but RL stuff has been piling up and…duty calls in that area.

So I'll try to be quicker but I make no promises.

OH! I've never tried _Squirt_ (I think that's a real brand of soda but I can't be sure) so I just assumed it was gross.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

A/N: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING!

"Play!" Cedric said with a grin.

Ron shrugged, hoping against hope that he'd not be in the next clip.

**RON: Oh my god, ugh, I can't believe it.**

"What can't you believe, Weasel?"

"That you're still here, Malfoy."

**HARRY: What?**

**RON: I just can't believe she's dancing with every guy but me. That is so – so stupid. [Takes swig of butterbeer]**

"Ron, are you…._jealous!_" Ginny said with a big smile on her face. About time her brother figured out his feelings for his best friend!

**HARRY: Why do you even care, man?**

**RON: [slightly drunk] I don't! I don't care! I don't care, and that's what I'm gonna go up and tell her! I'm gonna go and say 'I don't care what you do'! And she is gonna feel so damn stupid, she is gonna feel like such an idiot.**

"Ron!" Hermione gasped, slightly hurt.

**HARRY: Listen, Ron, you're acting like a real jerk, maybe you should take it easy on the butterbeer. [Attempts to take bottle].**

"You're a true friend, Harry," Remus nodded. "Ron is reminding me a little like Padfoot in sixth year."

Said man was trying to cover Remus' mouth with his hand.

**RON: [Keeping bottle away from him] No. No.**

**HERMIONE: Hey guys!**

**HARRY: Hey Hermione! Hey, you look great, you look wonderful!**

"Thank you Harry!" Hermione beamed.

**HERMIONE: Aw, thanks! You know what – I used to think looks weren't important and now I think they're more important than anything! Oh, I'm having so much fun dancing with everyone-**

**RON: Wow Hermione, when did you become so shallow?**

"As much as I'd hate to agree with Weasley," Malfoy said, "that is rather vapid of you Granger."

"Too bad it's not me," Hermione shot back.

**HERMIONE: What is wrong with you, Ron?**

_A lot of things,_ Snape thought.

**RON: Nothing! Nothing's wrong with me! But why don't you just ask Shlongbottom to dance, huh?**

Harry and Ginny bit back snorts at the name Shlongbottom.

**HERMIONE: You know what, maybe I will!**

**[Storms off and dances close with Neville]**

**RON: I showed her – I showed her so good.**

"Err….not really," Cedric shook his head.

**HARRY: Wait a second – wait a hot second! I know what's going on here! You've got a crush! [Ron nods sadly]. Alright, Ron, listen to me now, just a little advice: call me crazy, but girls don't really like it when you're angry at them, much less if you shout at them. **

"No, we don't," all the girls agreed with the Actor-Harry.

**Now, maybe what you should do is go over there and tell her how much you care about her, okay? Maybe you should ask her to dance?**

"What!" Ron gasped.

**RON: Wh- no, no! Because then she'd know that I liked her! And you always know that you don't tell a girl that you like her because it makes you look like an idiot!**

Ron nodded, mainly because he so did not want to admit that he had feelings for Hermione.

**HARRY: I know you'll look like an idiot. Anytime you tell a girl you like her, you look dumb, that is inevitable. Listen, it's something you have to do. _ What have you got to lose? We look like idiots anyway – I mean, look at our robes, you know what, if we wore these in the muggle world, we would get out asses kicked! **

"We would," Harry nodded.

**You have nothing to lose, absolutely nothing. You know what, she probably wants to dance with you just as much as you want to dance with her. **

Hermione flushed a little but no one noticed.

**[Looking at Ginny, who is sitting alone] You just gotta … ahem … give it a … chance … maybe there was something you didn't see before, you know [edging over to Ginny] … you just gotta go and maybe find something special … which was there the whole time, you just didn't have the guts to … say anything …**

"Potter, what are you going to do with my sister!"

"I don't know!" Harry said, taking cover behind Remus and Sirius.

**RON: Where are you going? I'm still mad and sad!**

Cedric chuckled under his breath.

**HARRY: Hold on. _ gonna take his own advice, pal. [Approaches Ginny]. Hey Ginny!**

**GINNY: Oh, hey, Harry.**

**HARRY: Can I sit down?**

**GINNY: Um, yeah, sure.**

**HARRY: [sits] Sooooo – um, how's Hogwarts?**

"Smooth, Harry," Hermione teased her best friend.

**GINNY: Um, you know, it's okay. Actually, I was really excited to come here but now that I'm here … I just don't think I belong.**

"Aww…." Cho cooed.

**HARRY: Oh yeah, I totally get what you mean.**

**GINNY: Er, no, you don't! You're Harry Potter!**

**HARRY: Yeah, I know. Like, for eleven years, I was this dumb kid who got the crap kicked out of me under a staircase**

Everyone who cared about Harry either growled or glared at the screen.

**and all of a sudden it's like 'YOU'RE A WIZARD, you have all these powers'! And everybody thinks I'm cool all of a sudden, it's weird, it's kind of isolating- oh, I'm sorry, sorry I'm complaining about being famous, I'm sorry.**

"That's the first thing they've gotten right about Harry's character," Hermione sighed.

"Yeah, mate," Ron nodded. "You apologize for everything!"

**GINNY: No, I understand. It's like when you first got here nobody wanted to get to know you because they thought that they knew you already, but eventually you'll find people who want to get to know you for the real you!**

"Like Hermione and me!"

"Ron."

"Yes?"

"Shut it."

"Okay."

**HARRY: You know what, Ginny, I feel like I already have found these people and I've been taking them for granted. [Stands] So, I'll tell you what, come on, you wanna dance? It's the whole point of the evening! [Ginny joins him on dancefloor, he swings her round] Now, I gotta warn you, I learnt all my best dance moves from Hagrid, so I'm not that great.**

"I'll teach you how to dance," Sirius whispered into Harry's ear. "It's not that hard."

**GINNY: Oh, I'm sure you'll do fine! Wow, Harry Potter, I don't care what anybody says- you're the best dancer that ever was!**

"Wow Ginny, you can get red—"

"Shut it Ron!"

**HARRY: Well I've gotta confession to make, Ginny, these shoes right here – they're magical enchanted dancing shoes!**

"Magical enchanted dancing shoes?" Snape raised an eyebrow. "I'm not even going to comment on the redundancy of that comment."

**GINNY: Wowee, Harry Potter!**

**HARRY: I'm just messing with you, [Spinning her round], I'm just awesome at dancing!**

"And so modest!" Cedric chuckled.

**[Ron breaks up Neville and Hermione, who were dancing]**

**RON: Okay, when you really dance with Neville is when you cross the line, okay? [Gives Neville his butterbeer] Take this, beat it, get outta here.**

"Ronald Weasley!"

Ron jumped and looked around. When he say that his mother wasn't actually there, he relaxed

**HERMIONE: What is wro-**

**RON: [Dragging her roughly away by arm] Come here, come here!**

**HERMIONE: Ow- why are you being so mean to me?**

"And so hurtful too!" Cho frowned.

**RON: I'm not being mean!**

**HERMIONE: OW! [Throws off his hand] Yes you are! You know, every day, everyone is trying to put me down and on the one day I actually feel like a person YOU'RE TRYING TO RUIN IT!**

"Err…" Harry said trying to get the glares of death off of him and Ron. "Why are you glaring at me?"

"Sorry Harry!" they all said and turned to glare solely at Ron.

**RON: [Taken aback] Holy shit.**

**HERMIONE: What is wrong with you Ron?**

**DRACO: Hey, Weasley, the lady said no!**

"Never thought I'd be thankful to see Malfoy," Ron muttered.

**HERMIONE: Not you too! You know what, I am so sick of both of you. I HATE YOU BOTH [Slaps them both across the face]**

"GO HERMIONE!" Ginny grinned.

**[Exit HERMIONE]**

**DRACO: [He and Ron hold their noses] What did you say to her?**

"Nothing!" Ron yelled at the screen.

**RON: Nothing!**

**DRACO: Oooh, I'm bleeding! [Checks hands for blood]**

**RON: I'm bleeding [does the same, shoes Draco his hands]**

**DRACO: Look at this!**

**RON: Look what she did to me!**

"Grow up," Hermione scoffed.

**HARRY: [dancing in circles] You know, Ginny, I'm feeling kinda dizzy.**

**GINNY: [stops spinning] Well maybe we should stop spinning. It's from all this spinning, huh?**

**HARRY: We have stopped spinning.**

"AWWW!"

"Hermione?" Harry and Ginny stared at their friend in blank horror.

"Oh!" Hermione flushed. "That just reminded me of my favorite scene in a movie. Here!"

She opened up a new tab and brought up Youtube again.

_Two people were dancing on a boat. Both had red hair. _

_ "I'm feeling a little dizzy," the woman said. _

_ "Me too," the man said. "I think it's from the spinning. Maybe we should stop." _

_ "We have stopped," the woman said. They leaned in to kiss. _

Hermione smiled and paused the clip.

"Awww!" Cho beamed while Ginny and Harry flushed bright red.

**[They kiss, he breaks it off] Wait, no! No, no, no! I can't do this. You're Ginny Weasley, you're my best friend's little sister, you're Ron Weasley's sister! I'm sorry Ginny, I can't do this. Sorry. [Ginny cries, then runs off]**

"MATE!"

Harry had no response but to hide behind Sirius and Remus once more to escape the wrath of an angry Ron.

**[Exit GINNY]**

**HARRY: Hey Cho! Come on, I'm Harry Potter, let's go. [Takes her away from Cedric]**

"Oi!" Cedric exclaimed.

**CEDRIC: Excuse me I believe I was dancing with the lady.**

**HARRY: Yeah, I know and ah bleuuup! I'm cutting in!**

"There are nicer ways of cutting in though," Remus pointed out.

**CEDRIC: Well, I **_**find**_** that to be very rude!**

"Of course you do," Malfoy muttered under his breath.

**HARRY: Alright Cedric, well why don't we **_**find**_** out what the lady has to say about it?**

Cho flushed once more.

**CHO: Oh, boys, there's no need to fight over little old me! **

"There really isn't," Cho pointed out but the two boys were glaring at one another as if they were loathed enemies instead of reasonable people.

**But by the way, Cedric thinks you cheated on the dragon test!**

"WHAT?"

"How could I cheat? That think tried to eat me!"

"Too bad it failed," Malfoy muttered.

**HARRY: [To Cedric] Cheating? Are you kidding me? That thing was trying to eat me, I was in its mouth!**

"Exactly!" the Golden Trio nodded.

**CEDRIC: Exactly! What went on in there? I've got to **_**find**_** out!**

"I'd like to _find _you some new lines," Ginny said loudly.

**HARRY: Alright that is it, Diggory, we are duelling! [Whips out wand] Let's go!**

"FIGHT!"

**CHO: Oh Godric's Hollow! All this excitement is making me thirsty!**

Everyone raised an eyebrow.

"Oh Godric's Hollow? Is that really a phrase?"

"It's not," Snape sneered. "At least you're not so dimwitted as to see that, Potter."

**HARRY: Oh, Cho, I can get you something to drink, I can get you some punch!**

**CEDRIC: No, I'll get the punch!**

**HARRY: No, I'll get the punch!**

**CEDRIC: Fine, have the punch! [Punches him in face]**

"Cedric!" Cho gasped.

"It's not me!" Cedric flushed but Cho went over to sit by Harry. Ginny was giving the girl subtle death glares.

**CHO: [Clearly pleased] You did it!**

Ron chuckled. "You know, that's like she's talking to a two year old who drank his milk."

"Nice one!" Harry smirked.

**HARRY: Cedric Diggory, I'm gonna kill you! **

"With a ladle?" Hermione inquired.

"Isn't that the Portkey?" Remus asked and everyone gasped.

**[Grabs ladle at attempts to whack him with it, but Cedric catches it and they are teleported by the portkey]**

"That's it?" Dumbledore asked and everyone jumped as he had been quiet for a while.

"I take it we're to play the next clip?"

"Play Granger!"


	13. So Sorry!

A/N: **Umm….Hi! I haven't abandoned this story, just letting you know. Merlin, I hate myself for this. I swore I'd never put an author's note in place of a chapter but I'm doing it. I've been busy preparing for the summer class I need to take for college, trying to find a job and I've lost the story where some kind soul had written out the entire script of A Very Potter Musical. **

**Jamie, before I say yes to you putting this story on your website, can I just ask what type of website it is? Sorry, first time at this. But completely on board with the whole thing. **

**Like I said, time isn't really with me right now in terms of sitting down and watching the next clip of A Very Potter Musical and writing down the script. Unless some kind soul wishes to do that, you are all just going to be patient (and I know how hard that is—I'm not the most patient person in the world either). **

**Thank you all for the reviews and the favorites. When I finally get the next chapter up, I'll replace this one with it. **


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